Mooli kay 2 Faiday

Mooli kay 2 Faiday Hotay hain,
1st: Mooli sey aap Saled bana sakty hain,
2nd:
,
,
,
Mooli Walay Parthy,
I know tum to hameesha ghalat he Socho gy.

Shaadi k pehle

Shaadi k pehle ladka: Darling!! tum nahi to mai nahi... Aur mai nahi to tum nahi...
Shaadi k bad ladka: Aj ya tan tu nahi ya mai nahi!

Wo kOn c Movie Hai.........

Wo kOn c Movie Hai jO AP Awaz Band Kr k Bhi Dekh Saktay,or Entertain Ho Jatay hO?
.
.
.
Think.?
.
.
"MR.BEAN"
U dirty mind

Hand In Hand

Four stages of a girl and boy friendship:
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.
1. Hand in Hand.
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.
2. That in Hand.
.
.
3. Hand in That.
.
.
4. That in That ....!

Teacher ko maa samjho

Teacher says,
.
Agar apna
character acha
karna chahte ho to
apni har teacher ko
maa samjho
.
.
.
.
.
Student :
per miss is se hamary papa ka character kharab hoga.

Girl to riksha wala

Girl to riksha wal :
Q bhai jaye ga ?
Riksha Wala : Zaroor Jaye ga, abhi abhi to Oil lga kar khara kia hai
.
.
Girl : to phir Ghuma kar peechay le loo

Diffrence

Ques. What is the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb?
Ans. U can unscrew a light bulb

Mix Up

Boss to Secretary: For a week we’ll go abroad.
She calls hr husband: For a week I & boss are going abroad
Husband calls Girlfriend: Wife going,lets enjoy.
Girlfriend calls her student: For a week u are free.
Little boy calls his grandpa: I’m free.
Grandpa (boss) calls Secretary: Tour cancelled. I’m with my grandson this week.
Secatary calls her husband: Tour cancelled.
Husband calls Girlfriend: Wife is not going.
Girlfriend calls her student: This week ur class would be as usual.
Boy calls grandpa: Sorry I’ve to attend my class.
Grandpa calls Secretary: We r going abroad.
To be continued.

SHADI SE PEHLE OR BAD

SHADI SE PEHLE
Boy: atlast wo din aagaya.
Girl:Tum muje chor to nai doge?
Boy: No way esa sochna b mat.
Girl: Will u kiss me??
Boy: Yes.
Girl: Tumari zindagi me koi or to nahi?
Boy: No not at all.
Girl: Do u lov me?
Boy: Yes dear.
Girl: Oh dear!
SHADI K BAAD
Ab Nechay Say Upper tak Parho

Kuch log thodi der karte hain….

Kuch log thodi der karte hain….
Kuch log 2-3 dafa karte hain,
aur kuch saari raat karte rahate hain,
tab jaakar hota hai….
unka…
Mobile Charge…!

Then lets try d other

Tell me.is it going in?..yeah ..is it hurting?..ooh yeah
..ouch its hurtin ..ok i wil put it in slowly ..
stil hurtin..ahh yeh ….den lets try d other shoe madam

can sizzle like bacon,

can sizzle like bacon,
I am made with an egg,
I have plenty of backbone, but lack a good leg,
I peel layers like onions, but still remain whole,
I can be long, like a flagpole, yet fit in a hole,
What am I?













Answer

A snake.

Dil karta hai k,ek din tumhayapnay ghar lay jahoon,

Dil karta hai k,ek din tumhayapnay ghar lay jahoon,
jab mera ghar koi na hoo.tumhay apnaa room main lay jaa
ker apna bed per betha do,darwazaband kar k.
sari windows bhi band kar do,
parday girrakar lights off kar do aur
tumharay kareeb aakar tumharay saath beth jahoon,
apnaa haath tumhari taraf brhaa kartumhay dikhaon hoon k………..
mari ghari ki bhi light lagti hai

Sharafat se roz SMS kia karo

Teri yaad dil se jane nahi denge,
Tere jesa dost khone bhi nahi denge,
Sharafat se roz SMS kia karo warna,
Ek kaan k niche denge or rone bhi nahie denge

Meet my wife Tina

Boy1:Meet my wife Tina
Boy2.Oh! I know her
Boy1:How?
Boy2:v were caught sleeping together
Boy1:What the hell?
Boy2.during lecture in maths class

TERi lita k lu

TERi lita k lu?
Ya bitha k lu?
Andhere main lu ya bulb jala k lu?
ya tujhe karun khara ?
ya teri jhuka k lu?
Ab tu hi bata k main teri
PHoto
kaise lon?

Teri Maa ki

Teri Maa ki,
Teri Behen ki,
Tere Papa ki,
Tere Bhai ki,
Tere puray khandan ki,
JAAN hy tu pagal !
Apna khayal rakha kAr:-)

HORROR Film

Close ur eyes n think about yourself,
ur face
ur style
ur nature
ur smile
ur looks
Now open your eyes
Free main HORROR film dikhai na?
Chalo thanks bolo;-)

Put 2 Fingrs In

Hold It Gently

Put 2 Fingrs

If Dey Dnt

Fit

Fos Dem In

If De Hole‘s Big Enaf

Put3

Muv Up & Down

Slowly..

Ooh Yes..

Can U Fil It?

Dats How U Wash A Glass

paani undar nahi jana chaeye

Boy to girl Oopr ka kpra utarna hoga neechay dnda dalna hoga girl says kuch bi karo
Laikin paani undar nahi jana chaeye Umbrella say

Thanda glass pani

Wo kon si cheez hai jo aap kay andar jay to aap ko bohat sakoon milta hai.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Thanda glass pani!!

Fuck off

fuck off
f
u
c
k off
yes fuck off
ooh. dont get the wrong meaning.
fuck off means:
F-friend like
U- u
C-can
K-keep
O-our
F-friendship
F-forever..

sharmao mut bus ab le lo

Le kar tu dekho kabhi mera bhi

Na ziada lamba hai Na ziada chota


sub k samne lo

Ya tanhai me lo



sharmao mut bus ab le lo

kiya bhala

MERA NAAM

Do it on bed

It’s the thing that satisfies
Your mind, body & soul!
Do it on bed, on a sofa,
In the car or anywhere!
It’s called Prayer!
God bless your naughty mind!

GIRLS doodh Bachain

Shadeed sardi ki waja se bhenso ne doodh kam dena shuru kr dia hai, dar hai k doodh ki shortage ho jaye gi, is liy tamaam “GIRLS” se guzarish hai k is muskil waqt mein hukumat ka sath den
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
aur boil karte waqt doodh zaya hone se bachayen.
U dirty mind.

mombatti se kam chala rahi hain

Ladies Hostel se ek aurat ne WAPDA k office phone kiya.
aur complain ki:
Aaj to aadmi bhej do,
Larkiyan 3 din se mombatti se kam chala rahi hain.

Legs utha ke karo.

Legs utha ke karo.
Tange feala ke karo.
Ghuma ghuma ke karo.
Aage peechey dono taraf karo.
Jitna karoge utna halka mehsoos hoga.
*Ramdev ji ka yoga*

dard ho raha hai kya

Boy: pura ander chala gaya na
Girl: ji, bilkul chala gaya
Boy: dard ho raha hai kya..
Girl: haaaaaan
Boy: Is It Completely Fit or Not.
Girl: Perfect
Boy: Are You Feeling Comfortable In It?
Girl: Zaberdast, Bilkul Aaram hai..
Boy: Aray Suno, Pack these sandals for madam

Bargaining

Sardar salesman bargaining wid lady
baji dopaty vichon sanu kuj ni labda, kameez vichon fair ve do lab jande ne, shalwar vich tay sanu paliyon pana painda aey.

Kal Raat Ko Tu Had Hi Hogai

B0Y: Aaj Kesa FeeL Kar Rahi Ho ?
GIRL: Kal Raat Ko Tu Had Hi Hogai,
Uff 2 Ghante Meri To Jaan Hi Nikal Gai,
Sare Kaprey Geelay Hogaye Thay,
Pehle To 1 Ghanta Karte Thay,
Magar Kal To Poore 2 Ghante Tak Sans Hi Nai Aayi,
1 Ghanta ßhi ßohat Tha,
.
.
.
Aakhir 2 Ghante Tak LIGHT 0FF Karne Ki Kya Zarurat Thi WAPDA Walon Ko..;-)

ladkiya bhi badi ageeb hoti hai

e ladkiya bhi badi ageeb hoti hai
bat bat par tufan utha leti hai,
kuch na ka karo to muh fula leti hai.
kuch kar do to pet fula leti hai.

Janu Ye Toh Bht Bara Hy

Girl: Janu Ye Toh Bht Bara Hy
Boy: Koshish Toh Kro
Girl: Janu Bht Mota Hy
Boy: Doobara Try Kro
Girl: Poora Nhi Jae Ga
Boy: Jaan Tumhe Meri Kasam
Girl: Andar Se Paani Nikal Rha Hy
Boy: Acha Aakhri Baar Try Kro
Girl: Uff Mere Kapre Kharab Ho Gae, Ab Tum Hee Saare
Gol Gappay
Khao Mujhe Nhi Khany.

Lal Naig

Jab rat ko
koi Tum per
char jey,
Apni Monchoon
se Tum ko
chomay
Or
Apni Balon wali
Tangen Tum
par pherey
To
Samajh jana ye
Sala
LAL BAIG
hy..

Kon Salaa

Judge:

“U r crossing ur limits.”

Lawyer:

“Kon saala kehta hai?”

Judge:

How dare u call me saala?”

Lawyer:

My lord

i said kon

Sa Law’ kehta hai?

Funny Girl Add

 

Funny Commercial...the driver are trying to flirt with tat gal..but she tries to ignore him by playing the music loudly...then she found tat the crop is gone from the driver's car n shocked to find him sitting behind her car enjoying the music from 'kenwood audio player'....tis advertisment stressed on that their audio player makes thoase "pass away" stay alive... :P

How to end an argument

 

How to end an argument with a woman..hilarious commercial

best, funniest commercial video

 

best commercial ever. awsome. you really have to watch.

Coca Cola Funny Girls commercial

 

Funny Add

McDonalds FUNNY AD

 

 McDonalds Egypt Add

Very Funny Pepsi Commercial

 

It's a very funny Pepsi commercial with Chinese Monks.

Funny Toyota Rav4 Murder Ad

 

Carjam Car Radio Show -- A Car Show About People

Six Girls You Date in College

College Humor Offline at Gramercy Theatre

Promo for the College Humor Offline show at Gramercy Theatre Friday August 5th presented by Klondike!

Weird Al Yankovic On A Boat (And The Band Played On)

As the ship went down, they kept spirits up. Kind of.

Sardarni Da Maika

Sardarni Maikay Ja Rahi Thi.

Sardar Packing Kartay Huwey Sochta Hay:

“Kinni Bholi Ey,

Maain Naal Nai Ja Ryaa,

Fir V

.

.

.

Condom Naal Le k Ja Rai Aay..!

COLLEGE Meaning

Do U know the fullform of COLLEGE?
C for Come,
O for On,
L for Lets,
L for Love,
E for Each,
G for Girl,
E for Equally……
That’s y boys go to clg regularly….

bitya ko kesy paya

Sardar ne Urdu Family me shadi ki;

Valima k roz

Susar:To aap ne hamaari bitya ko kesy paya?

Sardar shrmate hue;

O G 1 wari aggo te 3 wari picho paya ;-)

Billi Doodh Pee Gai

Sardarni:

Utho sardar ji utho

Sardar:ki hoya a?

Sardarni:

Billi sara doodh pi gai a

Sardar:

Tenu kinni vari keya a k kameez pa k suya kar

Female Training Seminars

1. Elementary Map Reading
2. Crying and Law Enforcement
3. Advanced Math Seminar: Programming Your VCR
4. You CAN Go Shopping for Less than 4 Hours
5. Gaining Five Pounds vs. The End of the World: A Study in Contrast
6. The Seven-Outfit Week
7. PMS: It's YOUR Problem, Not Mine "It's Happened Monthly Since Puberty....... Deal With it"
8. Driving I: Getting Past Automatic Transmissions
9. Driving II: The Meaning of Blinking Orange Lights
10. Driving III: Approximating a Constant Speed
11. Driving IV: Makeup and Driving: It's As Simple As Oil and Water
12. Football: Not a Game: A Sacrament
13. Telephone Translations: formerly titled "'Me Too' Equals I Love You"
14. How to Earn Your Own Money
15. Gift-giving Fundamentals: formerly titled "Fabric Bad, Electronics Good"
16. Putting the Seat Down By Yourself: Potential Energy is on Your Side
17. Beyond "Clean and Dirty": The Nuances of Wearable Laundry
18. Yes, You Can Fill Up At A Self Serve Station
19. Joys of the Remote Control: Reaping the Benefits of 50+Channels
20. What Goes Around Comes Around: Why His Credit Card is Not a Toy
21. His Best Friend Can Be Yours Too
22. His Poker Games: Deal Yourself Out
23. Commitment Schmittment (formerly titled "Wedlock Schmedlock"
24. To Honor and Obey: Remembering the Small Print Above "I Do"
25. Why Your Mother Is Unwelcome In The House
26. Your Mate: Selfish Bastard, or Victimized Sensitive Man?

NIAZI EXPRESS Of Sardar

Srdar Ki Ama Mr Gyi.

1 srdar Bola Ama Meno v ly jandi.

Phr 2-4 Or Bole Ama sano v ly jndi.

Srdar:

Chup Ho Jao bghairtu hamari

Ama c

ya

“NIAZI EXPRESS”

Buissness Man And Girl

One day a man went on a buissness trip to Florida.
He had saw this hooker and he asked “How much for a hand job?”
The hooker replied “100 Bucks”
The man said “100 Bucks, That’s a lot of got damn money”
So the hooker pulled him to the side and said “See that Mercedes, I paid for that by giving hand jobs.”
So he gave her the money and received the best hand he had ever had.
The next day he sees her and asks “How much for a head job?”
She said “200 dollars”
“200 dollars that’s a lot of money”
She pulled him to the side and said “You see that yahat by the pier, I paid for that yahat by giving head jobs.”
So he gives her the money, and get the best head job of his life
On hist last day in Florida he returns to the hooker and says “The hand job was good, the head job was great how much for the whole package.”
“1000 dollars’
“1000 dollars that’s a lot of god damn money”
So she pulled him to side and said “You see that island, I could afford that if i had a pussy.”

Sardar Education

Sardar’s Friend: Yaar,
Last Year The Name Plate Outside Your House
Read Santa Singh, B.A.
This Year It Reads Santa Singh, M.A.
When Did You Finish Your Masters Degree?
Sardar: You Don’t Understand.
Last Year My Wife Died,
I Put B.A. To Indicate “Bachelor Again”.
Then I Took A Second Wife, So M.A. Is “Married Again”.

10 Things Not To Tell Your Boyfriend

0. Oh come on! Who's gonna find out?
9. Well, your brother likes it this way.
8. Eeewww! Put that back in your shorts!
7. Dare to compare?
6. Can you go to the store and get me some tampons?
5. Is it supposed to bend that way?
4. Can I twist your wiener into a poodle?
3. Just go away I can finish myself!
2. I'm pregnant. . . . Ha just kidding!
1. Is it in yet?

12- Pack

A father and his son go into the grocery store when they happen upon the condom aisle. The son asks his father why there are so many different boxes of condoms. The father replies, ”Well, you see that 3-pack? That’s for when you’re in high school. You have 2 for Friday night and 1 for Saturday night.”
The son then asks his father, ”What’s the 6-pack for?”
The father replies, ”Well, that’s for when you’re in college. You have 2 for Friday night, 2 for Saturday night, and 2 for Sunday morning.”
Then the son asks his father what the 12-pack is for.
The father replies, ”Well, that’s for when you’re married. You have one for January, one for February, one for March, one for…..”

Girl And Professor

beautiful girl goes to Professor cabin
and
say
that i will do anything to pass in the exams
and professor says
NOW OPEN YOUR
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Books And Study

Conflict Between Girls And Boys

Boys get mad easily, but usually do not show it.
Girls get sad easily and can cry like crazy! …
.
Boys care about the quantity of love!.
Girls care about the quality of love …
.
Boys can forget, but can not forgive.
Girls can forgive, but can not forget! …
.
Boys can never reject a girl’s add friend request
But girls often reject it just to feel powerful!!
.
Boys prefer the phrase “Boys vs Girls”
Girls INSIST on saying “Girls vs Boys” !!

During Hug

A Girl’s Head is Always Down
Because
She Considers Her Boy To Be
Her World and Gets Lost in it …

While

A Boy’s Head is Always Up
So That
No Other Guy Dares To Look
At His Girl …!

Gary and Martin

Gary and Martin were standing at the urinals in a public lavatory, when Gary glanced over and noticed that Martin’s penis was twisted like a corkscrew.
“Wow,” Gary said. “I’ve never seen one like that before.”
“Like what?” Martin said.
“All twisted like a pig’s tail,” Gary said.
“Well, what’s yours like?” Martin said.
“Straight, like normal,” Gary said.
“I thought mine was normal until I saw yours,” Martin said.
Gary finished what he was doing and started to give his old boy a shakedown prior to putting it back in his pants.
“What did you do that for?” Martin said.
“Shaking off the excess drops,” Gary said. “Like normal.”
“Fucks!,” Martin said. “And all these years I’ve been wringing it.”

SANTA SINGH WIFE

SANTA SINGH GETS HOME EARLY
FROM WORK AND HEARS STRANGE
NOISES COMING
FROM THE BEDROOM. HE RUSHES
UPSTAIRS TO FIND HIS WIFE NAKED
ON THE BED,
SWEATING AND PANTING.
“WHAT’S UP?” HE SAYS: “I’M HAVING
A HEART ATTACK,” CRIES THE
WOMAN.
HE RUSHES DOWNSTAIRS TO
GRAB THE PHONE, BUT JUST AS
HE’S DIALING, HIS
4-YEAR-OLD SON COMES UP AND
SAYS “DADDY! DADDY! UNCLE
BANTA IS HIDING IN
YOUR CLOSET AND HE’S GOT NO
CLOTHES ON!”
SANTA SLAMS THE PHONE DOWN
AND STORMS UPSTAIRS INTO THE
BEDROOM, PAST HIS SCREAMING
WIFE, AND RIPS OPEN THE
WARDROBE DOOR. SURE ENOUGH,
THERE IS HIS BROTHER, TOTALLY
NAKED, COWERING ON THE
CLOSET FLOOR.
“YOU IDIOT!” SAYS THE
HUSBAND: “MY WIFE’S HAVING A
HEART ATTACK AND YOU’RE
RUNNING AROUND NAKED
SCARING THE KIDS!”

Some Basic Rules

1.Apni Wife Ki Hr Roz Leni Chahiye



KHABAR



2.Uska Pakar Kr Bar Bar Chumna Chahiye

HAATH



3.Uska Bare Aaram Se Dabana Chahiye



PAIR



4. Uski Aage Se Hi Nahi Peeche Se Bhi Karni Chahiye

TAREEF



5.Uske Samne Aate Hi Nikaal Kar Uske Hath Mai dedo

Monthly Salary!

Daughter's purses

One day a brunette, a redhead and a blonde decide to go through their daughter's purses.
So, the brunette goes through her daughter's purse and finds cigarettes. She says, "Oh my god, I'm so ashamed! My Daughter smokes."
So, the redhead goes through her daughter's purse and finds an empty can of beer. She says, "Oh my god I'm so ashamed! My daughter drinks."
So, finally, it's the blondes turn and she finds a used condom. She says, "Oh my god I'm so ashamed! My daughter has a penis."

Larki Ka Patna

Ragging ke waqt larko ne 1 larki se kaha,1 sawal ka jawab do:

Patna kahan par hai?

Larki-India mein

Boys-yahin pat jao itni dur jaane ki kiya zarurat hai..!

Chuck Norris Internet

If Chuck Norris wants to go on the internet, he just stares at the monitor and keyboard. Then the computer and monitor will come on all by themselves and the keyboard automatically types what Chuck Norris is thinking.

Chuck Norris teeth

Chuck Norris never goes to the dentist because his teeth are unbreakable. His enemies never go to the dentist because they have no teeth.

Chuck Norris As Froto

Originally Chuck Norris was to play froto in Lord of the Rings but turned the job down cause only a panzy needs 3 movies to destroy jewlery. Also Chuck Norris was originally cast to play the lead role on the show 24. The producers had to fire him after he killed all of the terrorists in 10 seconds.

Chuck Norris test report

After taking a steroids test, doctors informed Chuck Norris that he had tested positive. He laughed upon receiving this information, and said "of course my urine tested positive, what do you think they make steroids from?"

Chuck Norris Belief

Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris, not the box jellyfish of northern Australia, is the most venomous creature on earth. Within 3 minutes of being bitten, a human being experiences the following symptoms: fever, blurred vision, beard rash, tightness of the jeans, and the feeling of being repeatedly kicked through a car windshield.

Chuck Norris Spot

A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.

CHUCK NORRIS'S number

My wife doesn't fuss at me anymore, because she was looking thru my phone and saw CHUCK NORRIS'S number in my contacts!

Santa Banta And Blonde Girl

Santa Singh and Banta singh are sitting in a bar sipping Black Label Johnny
walker when Banta singh noticed a gorgeous blonde sitting by herself in a corner.
As he was getting up to talk to her. Bar Tender said “Hey don’t worry about her,
She is lesbian! “. Banta singh “Lesbian or no lesbian, I get all of them” Then
leaping forward in a very sexy voice he said “Where exactly in Lesbia, you from?”

Chuck Norris Played Golf

When Chuck Norris played golf for money, chuck marked down a hole in 0 every time, a pro at the golf club, said to Chuck: "excuse me sir, but you cant score zero on a hole". Chuck Norris turned towards the man and said, im Chuck Norris, the man then proceeded to pour gas over his body and set himself on fire because that would be less painful than getting roundhouse kicked by Chuck Norris, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked him in the face anyways.

Chuck Norris Karate Kid

Chuck Norris once ate an entire ream of rice paper and shat out origami swans and Mister Miyagi from Karate Kid.

Chuck Norris Guinness Book of World Records

In fine print on the last page of the Guinness Book of World Records it notes that all world records are held by Chuck Norris, and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone else has ever gotten.

Chuck Norris' shoe

A blind man once stepped on Chuck Norris' shoe. Chuck replied, "Don't you know who I am? I'm Chuck Norris!" The mere mention of his name cured this man blindness. Sadly the first, last, and only thing this man ever saw, was a fatal roundhouse delivered by Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris On Mars

Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life there.

Chuck Norris time machine

Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck Norris met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.

Chuck Norris and Boogeyman

When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris sold

Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.

See Chuck Norris

If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.

Chuck Norris Hunt

Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting infers the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.

Chuck Norris' tears

Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

Caught Ligado Camera

Seja o fotógrafo dos famosos e flagre cenas inesperadas em uma badalada festa. As melhores fotos te darão mais pontos para avançar para outros divertidos níveis.

Agente Heart

Entre na pele de uma eficiente investigadora contratada para espionar possíveis infidelidades e fotografe muitas cenas comprometedoras.

Cheyenne Rodeo

Escolha entre cowboy e cowgirl e participe de um famoso rodeo de Cheyenne. O objetivo do jogo é manter-se em cima touro durante o maior tempo possível.

Bike Kiss

Ajude a garota a beijar seu namorado, memorizando o visual que ele está usando ao passear de moto. Não deixe que outros rapazes vejam os beijos.

Good Morning Kiss

Interaja com o cenário para criar acontecimentos divertidos e realizar o sonho do rapaz de beijar a linda garota do ponto de ônibus.

Kiss Chemestry

Faça casais apaixonados a se beijarem utilizando fórmulas de químicas para o beijo perfeito.

Angelina and Brad Kissing

O casal Angelina e Brad querem um pouco de romance no casamento, e para isso precisam de sua ajuda para darem muitos beijos sem que as crianças percebam.

Good Night Kiss

Um encontro romântico sempre acaba com uma despedida prolongada com muitos beijos. Ajude o casal a se beijarem sem que a vizinhança perceba.

Celebrity Smackdown 4

Aproveite a oportunidade de vingar-se daquelas celebridades que não saem das capas das famosas revistas. Dê muitos socos e vença esta humorada luta.

The Right Mix

Faça cocktails, colocando diferentes ingredientes no shaker, agite e quando estiver pronto, prove para ver se estar bom!

Elite Base Jump

Salte de pára-quedas junto com um monte de pára-quedistas, vence que chegar em primeiro, os últimos serão eliminados.

Queuing

Veja quantos metros consegue acompanhar a fila de pessoas que estão esperando para entrar no estádio de futebol.

Gastetribune

Veja quantos metros consegue descer em um escada de arquibancada com muitos obstáculos.

Kissing in Office

Jogo de beijo são divertidos e servem para passar o tempo. Divirta-se neste versão onde você precisa aproveitar a distração do chefe e demais funcionários do escritório para colocar os namorados para se beijarem. Seja ágil e faça o casal trocar muitos beijos para avançar ao próximo nível onde poderá se divertir em um novo desafio.

Club Kissing

Entre para o clube do beijo e divirta-se fazendo casais que não foram formados a se beijarem sem serem flagrados pelos pretendentes. Seja ágil e assim que perceber alguma atitude suspeita dos participantes faça o casal parar de flertar.

Kiss in the Taxi

O romance está rolando dentro do táxi e sua missão é ajudar o casal de namorados a trocarem muitos beijos sem serem flagrados pelo taxista. Seja ágil e na primeira atitude que o motorista demonstrar suspeita faça os namorados a se comportarem.

Super Geek Magnet

Achar o garoto perfeito nunca foi fácil, ainda mais se ele for um herói. Ajude nossa heroína a andar pelos corredores do colégio, evitando os heróis nerds que forem surgindo pelo caminho e chegue até o herói perfeito que ela tanta procura.

Esqueleto Dançarino

A dança é uma forma de expressão muito apreciada por povos do mundo todo. Já diziam algumas pessoas que quando a música toca o esqueleto balança. Neste jogo o esqueleto balança literalmente. Ao som de uma frenética musica tente acertar os movimentos deste esqueleto dançante. Preste muita atenção, observe as setas e tente acompanhar o esqueleto baladeiro. Fique atento ao tempo e boa sorte.

Spin the Bottle

Julia foi para o piquenique com os amigos e aproveitou a oportunidade para chamar o namorado Sam, mas acontece que o namoro ainda é segredo e esses apaixonados não poderão se beijar na frente dos colegas. Vamos ajudar esses pombinhos a aproveitarem a distração das pessoas ao redor do piquenique para trocarem beijos e aproveite os momentos vagos para fazer os namorados brincarem de girar a garrafa.

Donkey Gafoor

Este burrinho acabou de fazer uma boquinha, mas parece que a refeição não caiu muito bem. Revoltado com a vizinhança ele resolveu atirar esterco para todos lados. Os vizinhos são muito curiosos e mereciam uma lição. Mostre boa mira para atingir os curiosos de maneira certeira. Preparar, atirar, fogo...

Kissing With Chemistry

Os alunos de química estão mantendo um namoro em segredo e não querem que os demais alunos da turma descubra. Hoje é dia de laboratório e o clima de romance está mais forte do que nunca e o casal quer muito trocar alguns beijos. E agora?! Vamos ajudá-los a namorarem, aproveitando a distração das demais pessoas da sala para trocarem muitos beijos apaixonados sem serem vistos. Quantos mais beijos, mais pontos você acumula.

Pack For Holidays!

Este casal sempre foi meio atrapalhado para viajar. Mas nesta férias eles te contrataram para ajudar com os preparativos da tão sonhada e merecida viagem de férias. Fique atento com as malas e objetos que a senhora está jogando da sacada. Arrume tudo de acordo com o espeço que você tem. Tome muito cuidado com o moleque que sempre apronta alguma pra cima deste casal. Ele pode dar umas bicudas na bola enquanto você está arrumando a bagagem. Cuide para que nada fique fora do lugar. Não se esqueça do tempo. Será que você consegue?

Naughty Nurses

Os pacientes já estão bem debilitados pois estão em tratamento, para alegrar o dia a dia deste hospital arrumamos uma linda enfermeira para deixar os pacientes um pouco mais contentes. Crie situações para que a enfermeira fique com cada vez menos roupas. Mas fique atento para não matar nenhum paciente do coração. Vamos lá?

Naughty Boy

Fique de olho mas ao mesmo tempo fique atento com está linda garota. O garoto estava de bobeira no ponto do ônibus e não resistiu e acabou olhando os seios da garota. Se ela desconfiar que você está olhando diretamente para ela, você correrá o risco de levar umas boas bolsadas. E então, quer correr o risco? Vamos lá.

Blonde Speeding

A blonde lady was driving along the highway when a blonde police officer pulled her over for speeding.

Officer: May i see your licence?

Lady: what does it look like?

Officer: its a rectangular thing with a photo of you on it.

The lady looks through her bag and pulls out her compact mirror and hands it to the officer.

The officer opens it up and says 'if you had told me you were a police officer I wouldn't have pulled you over.'

Us nay kaha aur dabao

us ne kaha or dabao,
main dabaya,
us ne kaha or dabao,
main ne or dabaya,
us ne kaha baniyan nikal do phir dabao,
main ne phir dabaya,
us ne kaha pent bhi nikal do phir dabao,
main ne phir dabaya . . . Â
dekha ho gya na suit case band:)

3 Children

One day there was a pregnant women who was about to go into labor with 3 children.

Her husband didn't want to be any part of this so he decided to leave her and took the car.

So she had to walk to the hospital all by herself. All of a sudden she came to a dark alley and of course she went through it and all of a sudden a man pops out and shoots her in the stomach.

When she got to the hospital she was ok and the babies were fine as well.

16 years later

16 years later the first child who was a girl came to the mother and said "mom mom guess what?"

"What?"

I pissed out a bullet.

So the mother told her what happened 16 years ago.

Then the second born child who was also a girl came to her mother and said "mom mom guess what I pissed out a bullet."

So the mom told her what happend 16 years ago.

Then the 3rd born child came in who was a boy said "mom mom guess what?"

The mom said "let me guess you pissed out a bullet."

"No i was jacking off and i shot the dog!"

3 FEELINGS

3 FEELINGS
what is the diference b/w stress,tension & panic?
Stress is when wife is pregnant,
tension is when girlfriend is pregnant &
panic is when both r pregnant

Hath Mai Pakar

Pakar Pakar Hath Mein Pakar Daba Mat Oh Ho Qatry Gir Rahy Hain Jaldi Se Munh May Dal Le Aaha Ab Batao Maza Aya Na Rasgulla Khanay ka.

Callgirl Wife

2 men went 2 a callgirl.
1st went in and came out n said
"Na my wife is better."
2nd went in and came out n said
"U R right ur wife is much better."

Ten Tips For Men

what men would do if they had a vagina for a day

10. Immediately go shopping for zucchini and cucumbers.

9. Squat over a hand-held mirror for an hour and a half.

8. See if they could finally do the splits.

7. See if it's truly possible to launch a ping pong ball 20 feet.

6. Cross their legs without rearranging their crotch.

5. Get picked up in a bar in less than 10 minutes ... BEFORE closing time.

4. Have consecutive multiple orgasms and still be ready for more without sleeping first.

3. Go to the gynecologist for a pelvic exam and ask to have it recorded on video.

2. Sit on the edge of the bed and pray for breasts too.

1. Finally find that damned G-spot.

Ye Sookha Ander Jata Hai, aur,Gila Bahir Ata Hai,

Ye Sookha Ander Jata Hai,
aur,Gila Bahir Ata Hai,
Phele Chota Hota Hai,
Phir Ye Mota Hota Hai,
Jab Ye Ander Rehta Hai,
To Ye Red Kar Deta Hai,
Thori Dair Helane Ke Bad Jab Esai Bahir Nekalo,
To Apne Kam Dikha Kar Ye,
Bejan Sa Bahir Ata Hai,
Kuch Aur Nahin Hai Ye,
Es Ko LIPTON TEA BAG ,Kahty Hain.

He came at night,

He came at night,
explored my body,
got on top of me,
touched me, he bit,
sucked, swalowd,
when he was satisfyed,
he left, i was hurt,
.
.
.
BLOODY... MOSQUITO !!!!

Billi Ky Bachy

Teacher: Bacho batao k billi 1 sath itnay
saray bachay kaisay paida karti hay?
Kid: Miss agar aap road pay billi ki
tarah ghoomo to aap ko pata chal jayega…

Sardar Ki Darpoj Wife

Sardar : Yar meri biwi pani se bohat darti hai.
Friend : Acha wo kaise?
Sardar : Yar kal mein ghar gaya to wo bathtub
mai bhi security guard k sath bethi thi.!!

The Perfect Day

The Perfect Day - Her

8:45 Wake up to hugs and kisses
9:00 5 lbs lighter on the scale
9:30 Light Breakfast
11:00 Sunbathe
12:30 Lunch with best friend at outdoor cafe
1:45 Shopping
2:30 Run into boyfriend's/husband's ex and notice she's gained 30 lbs
3:00 Facial, massage, nap
7:30 Candlelight dinner for two and dancing
10:00 Make love
11:30 Pillow talk in his big strong arms

The Perfect Day - Him

6:45 Alarm.
7:00 Shower and massage.
7:30 Blowjob.
7:45 Massive dump while reading USA Today sports section.
8:15 Limo arrives, Stoli Bloody Marys.
8:30 Butler Aviation, O'Hare Field, Lear Jet to Augusta, Georgia.
9:30 Front nine holes, Augusta National Golf Club.
11:30 Lunch - 2 dozen oysters, 3 Heinekens.
12:30 Blowjob.
12:45 Back nine holes, Augusta National Golf Club.
2:30 Limo to Augusta Airport, Bombay Sapphire Martini.
3:30 Nassau, Bahamas, Afternoon fishing with all female crew (topless). Sex for each fish caught. Catch 1249 lb. Blue Marlin. Grilled tuna and steamed lobster appetizers, six Heinekens, nap.
6:15 Blowjob.
6:30 Lear Jet return flight, total body massage in transit.
7:30 Shit, shower, shave.
8:00 Watch CNN Live coverage of Bill Clinton's resignation. Hillary and Al Gore are indicted in the same scandal (which involves graphic pictures and large farm animals).
9:00 Dinner at Ritz Carlton, Oysters Casino, 20 oz. Filet mignons (rare), Gorgonzola salad, Fettucini Alfredo, Chateau Lafite Rothschild 1963 (magnum) creme brute, Louis XII Cognac, Cohiba Lancero
10:30 Sex with 3 women, all from different countries
11:30 Whirlpool, steam and massage. Women quietly get dressed, hail cab and leave. Midnight Blowjob. Sleep

Pappu Ka Zehan

1 girl ask 2 pappu : woh kia hai jo cow k paas 4 or mere paas 2 hain?
pappu : legs
Girl : woh kia hai jo tumhari pant main hai aur meri pant mein nahi hai?
pappu: paisay
Girl : woh kia hai jo log din main karne k bajaye ko raat bistar pe kartay hain
pappu: neend puri karte hain
girl : woh kia hai jo larki pehli daffa karwate huye pain
ki wajah se roti hai?
pappu : kaan main ched
MORAL : aap bhi apni zehniat pappu ki tarhan saaf rakhain

6 Inch Long

Boy:what is that u keep in ur mouth
which is 6" long
and move it in and out
and wait for a white substance to come out?
Girl: y do u ask such question to me.
i cant tell such words
Boy:dont worry its tooth brush

Sex Education To Daughter

A mother is in the kitchen making dinner for her family when her daughter walks in.

“Mother, where do babies come from?”

The mother thinks for a few seconds and says, “Well dear, Mommy and Daddy fall in love and get married. One night they go into their bedroom, they kiss and hug and have sex.”

The daughter looks puzzled so the mother continues, “That means the daddy puts his penis in the mommy’s vagina. That’s how you get a baby, honey.” The child seems to comprehend.

“Oh, I see, but the other night when I came into your room you had daddy’s penis in your mouth. What do you get when you do that?”

“Jewelry, my dear. Jewelry.”

I thought It was MONEY

A young girl after her honeymoon
came fully exhausted and tired,
When her friends asked her what happened?
She replied :
When this 70 year old bastard told me
he has saved a lot from last 50 years,
"I thought It was MONEY"

Personality By Bra Size

Women personality followed by her BRAZIER size
32:Innocent
34:Beautiful
36:Sexy
38:Agressive
40:Hungry
42: playful
44:daring
46:Wild
48:Tennis Wali Bhabhi?:-)

Head Cleaner

A blond decides to do something she’s never done before – rent a dirty movie. She drives to the local Video Warehouse and makes here way to the adult section in the back. After looking around at titles, she selects a something that sounds very stimulating.
She drives home, lights some candles, slips into something comfortable, and puts the tape in the VCR. To her disappointment there’s nothing but static on the screen. She calls the store to complain and says, “I just rented an adult movie from you and there’s nothing on the tape, but static.”
The clerk apologized about the defective video and asked, “Which title did you rent?” The blond replied, “It’s called ‘Head Cleaner.’”

Disgraced The Family

 There was a virgin that was going out on a date for the first time and
she told her grandmother about it.
Her grandmother says, "Sit here and let me tell you about those young
boys. "He is going to try to kiss you; you are going to like that, but
don't let him do that."
She continued, "He is going to try to feel your breast; you are going
to like that, but don't let him do that. He is going to try to put his
hand between your legs; you are going to like that, but don't let him
do that.
Then the grandmother said, "But, most importantly, he is going to try
to get on top of you and have his way with you. You are going to like
that, but don't let him do that. It will disgrace the family."
With that bit of advice in mind, the granddaughter went on her date
and could not wait to tell her grandmother about it.
The next day she told her grandmother that her date went just as the
old lady said.
She said, "Grandmother, I didn't let him disgrace the family. When he
tried, I turned him over, got on top of him and disgraced his family."

Andheray mai Soraakh

Larki: Jaan Chotey soraakh Mein Nahi, Barray Soraakh Mein Daalo.

Larka: Andhera Itna hai Soraakh Nazar Nahi Aa Raha.

Larki: Sorakh par Ungli Phero mehsoos Hojae ga?

Larka: Wah! Ungli sey tou Andhere Mein Bhi Sorakh Mill Gaya.

Larki: Jan ab Aahista Sey Andar Daal do.

Larka: Poora Andar Chala Gaya.

UUf ! Kitna Mushkil Hai Andherey Mein

“HEADPHONE KI PIN MOBILE MEIN LAGANA”

Toilet

Come here,
take off your pents and knickers,
get on top of me,
enjoy until u get satisfied,
loving yours.....
toilet!

Is this her first child

Sardar on phone:
Doctor my wife is pergnant.She is having pain right now.
Doctor: Is this her first child?
Sardar: No this is her husband speaking‚¦

Three Women

Three women who work in the same office notice that their female boss has
started leaving work early every day. One day they decide that after she leaves,
they’ll take off early, too. After all, she never calls or comes back, so how is
she to know?
The brunette is thrilled to get home early. She does a
Little gardening, watches a movie and then goes to bed
early.
The redhead is elevated to be able to get in a quick workout at her health
club before meeting a dinner dates.
The blonde is also very happy to be home early, but as she goes upstairs she
hears noises coming from her bedroom. She quietly opens the door a crack and is
mortified to see her husband in bed with HER BOSS! Ever so gently, she closes
the door and creeps out of her house.
The next day, the brunette and the redhead talk about
leaving early again, but when they ask the blonde if she wants to leave early
also, she exclaims, “NO WAY! Yesterday I almost got caught!”

Kelay Wala

Lady 2nd floor se banana wale ko dekh kr pochti hai ‘kela kesy dega?’
banana wala, mem sahab 8 me 12
Lady. 7(sath) me 13(tera) longi
deta hai to upar aaja..

A Father's Last Request

A husband and wife had four boys. The odd part of it was that the
older three had red hair, light skin, and were tall, while the
youngest son had black hair, dark eyes, and was short.
The father eventually took ill and was lying on his deathbed when he
turned to his wife and said, "Honey, before I die, be totally honest
with me - is our youngest son my child?"
The wife replied, "I swear on everything that's holy that he is your
son."
With that the husband passed away. The wife then muttered, "Thank God
he didn't ask about the other three."

Girls check up

Girl check up k liye gai
Dr ki niyat khrab hogi
Dr ne uske kaprey utarwaye,
Girl:kiss q le rahe ho ?
Dr:Checkup k liye,
Girl:Breast q daba rahe ho ?
Dr:Breast cancer check karne ke liye
Dr Starts fucking
Girl:kya kar rahe ho ?
Dr:Aids checkup
Girl:
check kya krna hai Aids ki to dawayi lene i thi

pehle tum dikhao

In a party a lady wanted
to go to toilet so
she inquired with a sardar
papaji susu karne ki jagah dikhao,
sardarji replied u naughty
pehle tum dikhao.

Why did?

What do you get when you cross a werewolf with a dozen eggs?
A very hairy omelet.

Why did the toad cross the road?
To show his girlfriend he had guts.

Why do skeletons not go to horror movies?
Because they have no guts.


Why did everyone run out of Hungry Jacks?
Because somebody dropped a Whopper.

same room and one is on top

Little Tony was 9 years old and was staying with his grandmother for a few days. He’d been playing outside with the other kids for a while when he came into the house and asked her, ’Grandma, what’s that called when two people sleep in the same room and one is on top of the other?’

She was a little taken aback, but she decided to tell him the truth. ‘It’s called sexual intercourse, darling.’

Little Tony said, ‘Oh, OK,’ and went back outside to play with the other kids.

A few minutes later he came back in and said angrily, ’Grandma,it isn’t called sexual intercourse. It’s called Bunk Beds. And Jimmy ‘s mum wants to talk to you.’

Headache

 Teacher: I’d like you to be very quiet today, girls. I’ve got a dreadful headache.

Jane: Please, Miss ! why don’t you do what mum does when she has a headache?

Teacher: What’s that?

Jane: She sends us out to play!

Kilometre

Teacher : Peter how do you define a kilometre ?
Peter: It’s easy sir even an infant could tell it.
Teacher : Then tell me.
Peter : Sir a kilometre is the distance in meters you can travel by carrying a load of a kilogram.

A young teenager

A young teenager comes home from school and asks her
mother, “Is it true what Rita just told me? That babies
come out of the same place where boys put their thingies?”
“Yes, dear,” replies her mother, pleased that the subject had
finally come up and she wouldn’t have to explain it.
“But then when I have a baby, won’t it knock my teeth out?”

A young teenager

A young teenager comes home from school and asks her
mother, “Is it true what Rita just told me? That babies
come out of the same place where boys put their thingies?”
“Yes, dear,” replies her mother, pleased that the subject had
finally come up and she wouldn’t have to explain it.
“But then when I have a baby, won’t it knock my teeth out?”

Mummy put you in charge

One evening a little girl and her parents were sitting around the table eating supper. The little girl said, "Daddy, you're the boss, aren't you?" Her Daddy smiled, pleased, and said yes. The little girl continued "That's because Mummy put you in charge, right?"

This is my father

The telephone rings in the principal’s office at a school.
Hello, this is Dunn Elementary, answers the principal.
Hi. Tony won’t be able to come to school all next week, replies the voice.
Well, what seems to be the problem with him?
We are all going on a family vacation, says the voice, I hope it is all right.
I guess that would be fine, says the principal. May I ask who is calling?
Sure. This is my father!

Gambler Kid

Little Johnny was starting his first day at a new school and his father called the teacher to tell her that little Johnny was a big gambler. She said that it was no problem and she has seen worse than that.
After Little Johnny’s first day at his new school his father called the teacher to see how it went. She said, “I think I broke his gambling”. The father asked how and she said, “He bet me $5.00 that I had a mole on my butt, so I pulled down my pants and won his money.”
“DAMN!” said the father.
“What’s wrong?”, the teacher asked.
Little Johnny’s father said, “This morning he bet me $100.00 he would see his teacher’s butt before the day was over!”

Knock Knock Kid

Knock knock
Who's there?
Canoe
Canoe who?
Canoe help me with my homework please Dad - I'm stuck!  

I would be a bus driver

A little kid walks into a city bus and sits right behind the driver and starts yelling, ”If my dad was a bull and my mom a cow I’d be a little bull.” The driver starts getting mad at the noisy kid, who continues with, ”If my dad was an elephant and my mom a girl elephant I would be a little elephant.”
The kid goes on with several animals until the bus driver gets angry and yells at the kid, ”What if your dad was gay and your mom was a prostitute?!”
The kid smiles and says, ”I would be a bus driver!”

Now she knows

A six year old comes crying to his Mother because his little
sister pulled his hair.
“Don’t be angry,” the Mother says, “Your little sister doesn’t
realize that pulling hair hurts.”
A short while later, there’s more crying, and the Mother goes to
investigate.
This time the sister is bawling and her brother says…
“Now she knows.”

Substitute Teacher

A substitute teacher walks into the classroom on the blackboard she sees a message. It says, Jimmii Poole, has got the biggest tool, in the whole damn class
She yells, Who the hell is Jimmy Poole?
This kid in the back stands up and says, I’m Jimmy Poole.
Well, Jimmii, your staying after school!
Next day when the teacher walks in, she looks up at the blackboard where written, Pays to Advertise

Razor Blade

“Doctor, please hurry. My son swallowed a razor-blade.”
“Don’t panic, I’m coming immediately. Have you done anything yet ?”
“Yea, I shaved with the electric razor.”

10 year old Timmy

10 year old Timmy comes home from daycare and tells his mom that he thinks
his babysitter is gay.
“Whatever makes you think THAT?!!?” says mom.
Timmy replies, “Because his dick tasted like shit!”

Mom and Dad

Two kids are talking to each other. First says, I’m really worried. My dad works twelve hours a day to give me a nice home and good food, My mom spends the whole day cleaning and cooking for me. I’m worried sick!
The other kid says, What have you got to worry about? Sounds to me like you’ve got it made!
The first kid says, What if they try to escape?

Now she knows

A six year old comes crying to his Mother because his little
sister pulled his hair.
“Don’t be angry,” the Mother says, “Your little sister doesn’t
realize that pulling hair hurts.”
A short while later, there’s more crying, and the Mother goes to
investigate.
This time the sister is bawling and her brother says…
“Now she knows.”

Knock Knock WHO

Knock, Knock!
Who's there?
Spell.
Spell who?
OK, W_H_O.

Knock Knock Aladdin

Knock Knock
Who's there?
Aladdin!
Aladdin who?
Aladdin the street wants a word with you!

Knock Knock Fuck

knock knock
who's there?
fuck
fuck who?
fuck u

Knock Knock Banana

Knock, knock!

Who's there?

Banana.

Banana who?

Knock, knock!
Who's there?
Banana.
Banana who?
Knock, knock!
Who's there?
Banana.
Banana who?
Knock, knock!
Who's there?
Orange.
Orange who?
Orange you glad I didn't say "banana" again?

Knock Knock Remember

 Will you remember me in an hour?
Yes.
Will you remember me in a day?
Yes.

Will you remember me in a week?

Yes.

Will you remember me in a month?

Yes.

Will you remember me in a year?
Yes.
I think you won't.
Yes, I will.
Knock, knock!
Who's there?
See? You've forgotten me already!

Knock Knock Right

Knock, knock!

Who's there?

Me!
Me who?
That's right!
What's right?
Meehoo!
That's what I want to know!
What's what you want to know?
Me who?
Yes, exactly!

Exactly what?
Yes, I have an Exactlywatt on a chain!
Exactly what on a chain?
Yes!
Yes what?
No, Exactlywatt!
That's what I want to know!
I told you - Exactlywatt!
Exactly what?
Yes!
Yes what?
Yes, it's with me!
What's with you?
Exactlywatt - that's what's with me.
Me who?
Yes!
Go away!
Knock, knock...

Knock Knock Al

Knock Knock
Who's there?
Al!
Al who?
Al give you a kiss if you open this door!

Knock Knock Ice cream

Knock, Knock!
Who's there?
Ice cream!
Ice cream who?
Ice cream if you don't let me in!

Knock Knock Doris

Knock Knock!
Who’s there?
Doris!
Doris who?
Doris locked that’s why I am knocking!

Knock Knock Agatha

Knock Knock
Who's there?
Agatha!
Agatha who?
Agatha headache. Do you have an aspirin?

Knock Knock Amos

Knock, Knock!
Who's there?
Amos.
Amos who?
Amosquito just bit me!

Knock Knock Asia

Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Asia!
Asia who?
Asia you going to let me in then!

Knock Knock Adlai

Knock Knock
Who's there?
Adlai!
Adlai who?
Adlai a bet on that!

Knock Knock Cheese

 Knock Knock!
Who’s there?
Cheese!
Cheese who?
Cheese a cute girl!

Knock Knock Botany

Knock, Knock!
Who's there?
Botany.
Botany who?
Botany good locks lately?

Treat Me Like Your Wife

Sardar’s girlfriend removed all of her clothes and said ” Treat me like your wife” sardar picked up her clothes and started to wash them

Shadi E-mail Say

 American: Hamare yahan shaadi e-mail se bhi hoti hai.

Funny Hindi Man: Kamal hai hamare yahan to shaadi sirf female se hoti hai.

Sardar Ka Rishtedar

1st sardar yeah bacha tumhara kia lagta hai

2nd sardar:yeah mera door ka bhai hai

2nd sardar:door ka mein samjha nahin

sardar:iss k orr mere beech 8 behan bhai orr hai

Sardar Ki Bhabhi

ek sardar apni bhabhi ko buhat mar raha tha

logo ne pucha: kia hua sardar ji?

sardar ji bola: meri bhabhi achi aurat nahin he ji.

logo ne pucha: q kia hua?

sardar bola: yr dost mobile pe bat karte hein jis se bhi puchun,"kis se bat kr rhe ho?"sab bolte hein
.
.
.
.
.
.
"TERI BHABHI SE"..........

Sardar Ka Hukam

SardarJi: Ghar mai Mera he Hukam chalta hai. Mai Kehta hon, Garam paani le aao, woh le aati hai, Dost: Garam pani Q? Sardar: Garam pani se Bartan Achay Dhultay hain.

Pakistani Child

 Funny Pakistani Man: Mera kid bohot fast English bolta hai.

Indian Man: Beta bolke dikha.

Kid: english english english english english...

Sardar Great Pleasure

Sardar giving a speech to deaf ppl using sign language He rubs his Chest,touches his dick & starts masturbating. He was immediately taken off the stage and when asked y did he do that? He said:It means, Ladies and Gentlemen, It gives me great pleasure…

Santa Banta Hindi Homework

Santa Banta ne Hindi ka home work nahi kiya tha. Hindi teacher ne unko ped par ulta latakne ki saza di.

Thodi der latakne ke baad Santa neeche gir gaya.

Hindi Teacher: Thak gaye kya?

Funny Santa: Nahi pakk gaya !

Sadar Ka Abba

Teacher: Tumharay Abbu ka kya naam hai? Sardar: Google Singh Teacher: Ye kaisa naam hua? Sardar: Bus jee, Main jithay v hovaan Abba menu labh lainda aey.

Sardar In Library

SARDAR goes to library & asks for a book: “Psycho the Rapist” Librarian searches for half an hour & comes back, slaps him & says “Psychotherapist” saalay:-D

Solid Be Izzati

Girl To Slim Boy:
Apni Body To Dekho
Jaise Haddiyan Hi Haddiyan Hon,,
Boy:
Isliye Itni Dair Se Soch Raha Hu
K Mere Pas bitch Kun Khari Hy… ;->

Your Licence

Kitne Dino’n Se Black Libas Pehne Phir Rahay Hain,
.
.
.
Ke Koi Hamein Muft Shampo De Or Kahay
“Your Licence To Wear Black” ;->

Yo Momma so Greasy

Texaco buy oil from her

she got a job at the cinema - buttering popcorn with her leg hair...

her freckles slipped off.

the Chip Shop uses her sweat as Deep Fry

she sweats butter, syrup, excretes jam...and has a full time job at the 'Pancake Palace' wiping pancakes across her forheed

her idea of bottled water is the left over oil slime from a bacon, sausage and egg fry up.

she uses bacon as a band aid.

Your momma's like a vaccum cleaner

Your momma's pussy is so hairy, when your brother was born he died of rugburn
I asked your momma "what's for lunch" ...She opened up her legs and said tuna surprise
I asked your momma "what's for lunch" ...She opened up her legs and said crabs
Your momma's like a gun, two cocks and she's loaded!
Your momma's like a vaccum cleaner ... She sucks, blows and gets laid in the closet.
Yo Mama's like a mosquito, you have to slap her to get her to stop sucking

Yo Momma Is So Suck

 Yo mama is like a hockey player, she only showers after three periods.
Yo mama is like a chicken coop, cocks fly in and out all day.
Yo mama has so many teeth missing, that it looks like her tongue is in jail.
Yo mama's mouth is so big that she speaks in surround sound.
Yo mama is so grouchy that the McDonalds she works in doesn't even serve Happy Meals.
You suck... yo mama does too, but she charges.
Yo mama is like a paper towel, she picks up all kinds of slimy wet stuff.
Yo mama is like Bazooka Joe, 5 cents a blow.
Yo mama is like a telephone, even a 3 year old can pick her up.
Yo mama is like a Christmas tree, everybody hangs balls on her.
Yo mama is like the sun, look at her too long and you'll go blind.
Yo mama is like a library, she's open to the public.
Yo mama is like a fine restaurant, she only takes deliveries in the rear.
Yo mama is like an ATM, open 24 hours.
Yo mama is like a bowling ball... round, heavy, and you can fit three fingers in.
Yo mama is like a basketball hoop, everybody gets a shot.
Yo mama is like a Discover card, she gives cash back.
Yo mama is like a championship ring, everybody puts a finger in her.
Yo mama is like Dominoes Pizza, one call does it all.
Yo mama is like a microwave, press one button and she's hot.
Yo mama is like a mail box, open day and night.
Yo mama is like a bowling ball, she always winds up in the gutter.
Yo mama is like a bus, guys climb on and off her all day long.
Yo mama is like a door knob, everybody gets a turn.
Yo mama is like a light switch, even a little kid can turn her on.
Yo mama's such a ho that "who's your daddy?" is a multiple-choice question.
You'll never be the man Yo mama was.
Yo mama... 'nuff said.
Yo mama is so lazy that she thinks a two-income family is where yo daddy has two jobs.
Yo mama is so lazy that she's got a remote control just to operate her remote!
Yo mama's arms are so short that she has to tilt her head to scratch her ear.
Yo mama's lips are so big that Chapstick had to invent a spray.
Yo mama is so lazy that she came in last place in a recent snail marathon.
Yo mama is missing a finger and can't count past nine.
Yo mama is so flat that she makes the walls jealous!
Yo mama's gums are so black that she spits Yoo-hoo.
It took yo mama 10 tries to get her drivers license - she couldn't get used to the front seat!
Yo mama's so fat that when she asked me "what's up?" I said "your weight!"
Yo mama is twice the man you are.
Yo mama's head is so small that she got her ear pierced and died.
Yo mama is cross-eyed and watches TV in stereo.
Yo mama is so stupid that she was born on Independence Day and can't remember her birthday.
Yo mama's head is so small that she uses a tea-bag as a pillow.
Yo mama's face is so wrinkled, that she has to screw her hat on.
Yo mama's hips are so big that people set their drinks on them.
Yo mama's hair is so nappy that she has to take Tylenol just to comb it.
Yo mama's feet are so big that her shoes need to have license plates on them!
Yo mama is so bald that even a wig wouldn't help!
Yo mama is so bald that you can see what's on her mind.
Yo mama is so bald that she took a shower and got brain-washed!
Yo mama's teeth are so yellow that when she smiles everyone sings "We're Walking on Sunshine."
Yo mama is like a slaughter house - everybody's hanging their meat up in her.
Yo mama is like the new AOL 4.0: Fun, Fast, Easy and Free!
Yo mama is like a carpenter's dream - flat as a board and easy to nail.
Yo mama is like Humpty Dumpty - First she gets humped, then she gets dumped.
Yo mama is like a bag of potato chips, "Free-To-Lay."
Yo mama is like a turtle - once she's on her back she's fucked.
Yo mama is like a fan - she's always blowing someone.
Yo mama is like Pizza Hut - if she isn't there in 30 minutes... it's Free!
Yo mama is like a goalie - she only changes her pads after three periods.
Yo mama is like a gas station - you gotta pay before you pump!
Yo mama is like Sprint - 10 cents a minute anywhere in the country.
Yo mama is like a Chinese restaurant - All you can eat for only $9.95!
Yo mama's breath smells so bad that when she yawns her teeth duck out of the way.
What's the difference between yo mama and a Lay-Z-Boy? One's soft, squishy, and always has someone in it. The other is a chair.
What's the difference between yo mama and a 747? About 20 pounds.
Yo mama's like a shotgun, one cock and she blows.
Yo mama's like the Bermuda Triangle, they both swallow a lot of seamen.
Yo mama's like cake mix, 15 servings per package!
Yo mama's like a 5 foot tall basketball hoop, it ain't that hard to score.
Yo mama's like a vacuum cleaner... she sucks, blows, and then gets laid in the closet.
Yo mama's like the Pillsbury dough boy - everybody pokes her.
Yo mama's like a brick, dirty, flat on both sides, and always getting laid by Mexicans.
Yo mama's like a nickel, she ain't worth a dime.
Yo mama's like a streetlamp, you can find her turned on at night on any street corner.
Yo mama's like a telephone booth, open to the public, costs a quarter, and guys go in and out all day.
Yo mama's like a Reese's Peanut Butter Cup, there's no wrong way to eat her.
Yo mama's like a postage stamp, you lick her, stick her, then send her away.
Yo mama's like a screen door, after a couple of bangs she loosens up.
Yo mama's like a dollar bill, she gets handled all across the country.
Yo mama's like school at 3 o'clock... children keep coming out and nobody can remember all the fathers.
Yo mama's like a bowling ball, she gets picked up, fingered, thrown down the gutter, and she still comes back for more.
Yo mama's like a set of speakers - loud, ugly, lives in a box, and you can turn her up, down, on, and off.
Yo mama's like a birthday cake, everybody gets a piece.
Yo mama's like 7-Eleven - open all night, hot to go, and for 89 cents you can get a slurpy.

Yo mama's like a vacuum cleaner - a real good suck.
Yo mama's like a Snickers bar, packed with nuts.
Yo mama's like a race car driver - she burns a lot of rubbers.
Yo mama's like a parking garage, three bucks and you're in.
Yo mama's like a pool table, she likes balls in her pocket.
Yo mama's got 1 toe & 1 knee and they call her Tony.
Yo mama's got a "wait" problem, she can't wait to eat.
Yo mama's got a 4 dollar weave and don't know when to leave.
Yo mama's teeth are so yellow, when she smiles it looks like a Kraft Singles pack.
Yo mama's got Play-Doh teeth.
Yo mama's like the Panama Canal, vessels full of seamen pass through her everyday.
Yo mama likes to applaud, 'cause she's got clap
Yo mama's got 1 leg longer than the other so they call her call her hip hop.
Yo mama's got an eating disorder, she be eating dis order, dat order, she be eating all the damn orders!
Yo mama's got more chins than a Chinese phone book.
Yo mama's like a bungee cord... 100 dollars for 30 seconds and if that rubber breaks, your ass is dead!
Yo mama's like a squirrel, she's always got some nuts in her mouth.
Yo mama's like a refrigerator, everyone puts their meat in her.
Yo mama's like a tricycle, she's easy to ride.
yo mamas like a hardware store. 25 cents a screw.
Yo mama's like mustard, she spreads easy.
Yo mama's like peanut butter: brown, creamy, and easy to spread.
Yo mama's like McDonalds... Billions and Billions served.
Yo mama's like an elevator, guys go up and down on her all day.
Yo mama's like a railroad track, she gets laid all over the country.
Yo mama's like lettuce, 25 cents a head.
Yo mama's got an eagle's nest wig.
Yo mama's twice the man you are.
Yo mama's got more crust than a bucket of Kentucky Fried Chicken.
Yo mama's got more weave than a dog in traffic.
Yo mama's only got one finger and runs around stealing key rings.
Yo mama's got a peanut butter wig with jelly sideburns.
Yo mama's got a leather wig with suede sideburns.
Yo mama got hit upside the head with an ugly stick.
Yo mama's got so much weave, when a fly goes by her hair swats at it.
Yo mama's got no ears and was trying on sunglasses.
Yo mama's got so much weave, AT&T uses her extensions as backup lines.
Yo mama's got so much dandruff, she needs to defrost it before she combs her hair.
Yo mama's so bald that I can tell fortunes on her head.
Yo mama's so bald that you could draw a line down the middle of her head and it would look like my ass.
Yo mama's so bald that when she goes to bed, her head slips off the pillow.
Yo mama's so bald that when she braids her hair, it looks like stitches.
yo mama's breath is so stanky, she eats odour eaters.
Yo mama's got one leg and people call her Ilene.
Yo mama's been on welfare so long that her picture is on food stamps.
Yo mama's so hunchbacked, she has to look up to tie her shoes.
Yo mama's nostrils are so huge she makes Patrick Ewing jealous.
Yo mama's so hunchbacked, she has to wear goggles to wash dishes.
Yo mama's so hunchbacked, she can stand on her feet and her head at the same time.
Yo mama's so hunchbacked, she hits her head on speed bumps.

Yo Momma so Smelly

the government make her wear a Biohazard warning

she made Right Guard call for backup.

even the dogs won't smell her.

an old blind geezer walking by asked her 'yo, how much for the shrimp platter?"

that when she spread her legs, I got seasick...

she wiz playin in my Sand Box and the cat came along and buried her.

her poo is glad to escape.

that standing next to a skunk, the Skunko smells sweet!

that the only dis I'm gonna give her is Disinfectent...

that when you was being born, the doctor's and nurses all had to wear oxygen masks...

even sewer rats get outta her way...

that farmers use her bathwater as liquid fertilizer...

Yo Momma so Tall

 Yo mama is so tall that she tripped in Michigan and bumped her head in Florida.
Yo mama is so tall that she tripped over a rock and hit her head on the moon.
Yo mama is so tall that if she did a back-flip she'd kick Jesus in the mouth.
Yo mama's so tall, she can see her house from anywhere.
Yo mama's so tall, she did a push-up and burned her back on the sun.

Yo Momma so Dirty

she has to creep up on the bath water.

that standin next to a tramp, she make the tramp look like a butler.

that her house is so dirty I gotta wipe my feet before I go back outside.

she lost 2 stone after taking a shower

that even the Swamp Thing insisted she showered.

that Saddam Hussain tried to import her bath water to use as chemical weapons.

Teen Chuck Norris

As a teen, Chuck Norris impregnated every nun in a covet in the back hills of Tunsca, nine months later the nuns gave birth to the 1972 Miami Dolphins, the only undefeated and untied team in professional history.

Chuck Norris And Steven Hawking

There was only one man ever to outsmart Chuck Norris, Steven Hawking, he got what he deserved.
Although it is not common knowledge, there are three sides of the force, the light side, the dark side, and Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris Use Bowling Ball

The reason why pluto is no longer a planet is because Chuck Norris used it as a bowling ball.

Chuck Norris Toilet Paper

 They once made a Chuck Norris toilet paper, but it wouldn't take shit from anybody.

Chuck Norris Condom

Chuck Norris does not wear a condom. Because there is no such thing as protection from Chuck Norris.

LEGAL VOTING AGE

 LEGAL VOTING AGE
For Boys is 18 Years ....

But

...Legal MARRYING AGE
For Boys is 21 Years..

Wht Does it Prove ????

Guys Need More More Experience To Handle a Girl Than a Country

Niggers Questions And Answer

Q: Why are aspirins white?
A: Because they work.

Q: How did the black girl know her mother was on the rag?
A: Her brothers dick tasted funny.

Q: What has six legs and goes: "Ho-de-do, ho-de-do, ho-de-do"?
A: Three blacks running for the elevator.

Q: What's the definition of the word "Confusion"?
A: Father's day in Harlem.

Q: Do you know why so many blacks were killed in Vietnam?
A: Because every time the seargeant said: "Get down!" they stood up and started dancing.

Q: What did God say when he saw the first black person?
A: Ooops, I burnt one!

Q: Why is Stevey Wonder Smiling all the time?
A: He doesn't know he's black.

Q: Blacks took over Toys R us.
A: The renamed it to We B toys.

Q: A black guy and a Mexican guy opened a restaurant.
A: It's called Nacho Mama.

Q: What do you get when you cross an Eskimo with a black person?
A: A Snowblower that Doesn't work!

Q: What do you call an Negro with a peg leg?
A: Shit on

Difference Between Niggers

What's the difference between dog shit and niggers?
When dog shit gets old it turns White and quits stinking.


What's the difference between a jew and a pizza?
A pizza doesn't scream in the oven.

What's the difference between a nigger and a snow tire?
A snow tire doesn't sing when you put chains on it.

What would you call the Flintstones if they were black?
Niggers.

Why don't sharks eat niggers?
They think it's whale shit.

What do you call a nigger in a tree with a briefcase?
Branch manager.

How come there aren't any Mexicans on Star Trek?
They don't work in the future, either.

Why do niggers cry during sex?
The Mace.

How do you stop a nigger from drowning?
Take your foot off the back of his head.

How do you get a nigger out of a tree?
Cut the rope.

What did the Alabama sherriff call the nigger who had been shot 15 times?
Worst case of suicide he had ever seen.

Black Questions And Answer

Q: Two black guys decide to jump off a building; who lands first?
A: Who cares?

Q: A black guy and his black girlfriend are in a car. Who's driving?
A: The cop!

Q: Why are black peoples nostrils so big?
A: Because that's what God held them by when he was painting them.

Q: What do you get if you search for babboon in dictionary?
A: You get a picture of Robert Mugabe.

Q: What is black, purple,and yellow?
A: A black person goin to church.

Q: How do they make roads in South Africa?
A: They make the black people lay down and have every other one smile.

Q: What do you call a black guy who goes to college?
A: A Basketball player.

Q: How can you tell a black person is lying?
A: His lips are moving.

Q: Why are there more black folk then Indians?
A: Because we haven't played Cowboys and Black folk yet!

Q: How do you break up the "Million Man March"?
A: Fly overhead with helicopters and drop job applications.

Q: Why did the black man wear a tuxedo to his vasectomy?
A: He said: "If I'ze gonna be im-po-tent, I wanna looks im-po-tant."

Q: What do they do with blacks after they die?
A: Gut them and use them as wetsuits.

Q: What does it mean when you see a bunch of blacks running in one direction?
A: Jail break

Q: What do you call 4 black guys in a car?
A: Tinted windows.

Q: Why are black ladies pocket books so big?
A: They have to put their lipstick some where.

Q: What do u call 1,000 black people on a plane back to Africa?
A: A good start.

Q: Why are all black people fast?
A: Because the slow ones are in jail.

Q: What's long and hard on a blackman?
A: The first grade.

Q: What do you call a bunch of blacks falling down a hill?
A: A mudslide .

Q: What did the black kid get for christmas?
A: Your T.V

Q: What do you call vietnamese guy that wants to be black?
A: Vinegar!

Q: What does NAACP stand for?
A: National Association of Apes Called People

Q: What do you call a black guy with a fan?
A: Antique air conditioner

Q: What travels at 200km's a hour?
A: A black man hearing a dollar drop to the ground.

Q: What does a black person have in common with a soda machine?
A: They both don't work and always take your money.

Q: What u call 10 black people in the back of a truck?
A: A good days hunting.

Q: What do you call one black on the moon?
A: Problem

Q: What do you call ten blacks on the moon?
A: Problems

Q: What do you call the entire black population on the moon?
A: Problem solved

Q: Why dont black women wear panties to picknics?
A: To keep the flies off the chicken.

Q: What's faster then a black guy running down the street with your TV?
A: His brother behind him with the VCR

Q: Why wasnt there any blacks in the flintstones?
A: Because they were still monkeys.

Q: Why don't black kids play in sand boxs?
A: Because they are affraid the cats will try to cover them up.

Q: What do you call a bunch of black kids playing in a pile of leaves?
A: Rasin Brand.

Q: What do you call a group of black people.
A: An auction

Q: Why dont blacks celibrate thanksgiving?
A: KFC isnt open on holidays.

Q: What would martin luther king be if he was white?
A: Alive

Q: What are three things you can't give a black person?
A: A black eye, a fat lip and a job.

Q: Why do black people lean to the center of their car?
A: They think the smell is coming from the outside.

Q: Why did God give Black guy's big dicks?
A: He felt sorry for putting pubes on their heads.

Q: Why are black women like bicycles?
A: They give out free rides

Q: Ever hear about the black man who went to college?
A: Neither Have I.

Q: Why do black men have bigger penises than white men?
A: Because as kids white men had toys to play with.

Q: Why are there only two paulbears at a black guys funeral?
A: There are only two handles on a garbage can.

Q: What does FUBU really stand for?
A: Farmers used to buy us.

Q: What do you do when you see a black man with half a face?
A: Stop laughing and reload.

Q: What's the difference between bigfoot and a hard working black man?
A: Bigfoot has been spotted

Q: How many blacks does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: 2 one to screw it in the other to drive the pink caddilac

Q: What do you call a black man on a stick?
A: A tootsie roll pop

Q: Why are blacks so fast?
A: From running from the cops.

Q: Whats the difference between a black and tires?
A: When you put chains on tires they dont sing

Q: Did you hear about the black who died yesterday on Rt. 80?
A: He stuck his head out of the window at 100 mph and his lips beat him to death!

Q: Why are jelly beans alot like the world?
A: Because everyone hates the black ones.

Q: How do you hide something from a Black Man?
A: Put it in a book.

Q: What's the difference between a black guy and a trampoline?
A: You take your shoes off to jump on a trampoline

Q: What's the difference between a dead dog in the street and a dead black guy in the street?
A: There's swerve marks in front of the dog

Q: Why are black peoples hands white?
A: Because there always leening up aganst cop cars.

Q: What is the diffrence between a black guy and a pizza
A: A pizza can feed a family of four.

Q: Whats the difference between a black guy and a pothole?

A: You swerve around the pothole.

Q: What happened to the 5 black guys that drove off a cliff in a cady?
A: Who gives a shit!!

Q: What do you call 400 black people swiming in a river?
A: An oil spill

Q: Why was the black baby crying?
A: He had diarea and thought he was melting

Q: What is black white and rolls around in the sand?
A: A black man and a segal fighting over a carp

Q: What do you call 9 black guys hanging in a tree???
A: An alabama windchime

Q: How many black people does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: The lights out, how can u count them?

Q: Why can't black's,live in the country side.
A: There's no street corners.

Q: Why can't black people spell.
A: Because there black.

Q: How do you starve a negro to death?
A: Hide his food stamps under his work boots.

Q: How do you kill 50 flys?
A: Hit a somailen in the face with a shovel

Q: What do you get if you cross an afro with a black?
A: A microphone.

Q: Why Do Blacks Hate Country?
A: Every time they here Ho-Down They think someone shot their sister

Q: Why don't black people like asprin?
A: They have to pick through cotton to get to them

Q: Why cant stevie wonder read?
A: Cuz hes black

Q: What does FUBU stand for?
A: Farmers Used to Beat Us

Q: What do you call a black man at the bottom of the ocean?
A: Polution

Q: What do you call all the black people at the bottom of the ocean?
A: Solution

Q: Why is there cotton in medicine bottles?
A: To remind the black people they were cotton pickers before they were drug dealers.

Q: Whats yellow, black in the middle and funny?
A: A school bus full of blacks driving off a cliff

Q: What's purple and chained to my front porch?
A: It's my damn neigro and I'll paint him any color I want to.

Q: What is it called when a black women is in labour?
A: Constipation

Q: Why Are black peoples hands and feet white?
A: When God painted them he told them to assume the position.

Q: A black guy and a spanish guy are in a car whos driving?
A: The cop

Q: How do you keep black youth off the streets?
A: Put a KFC on the sidewalk

Q: What do Black lesbians have for breakfast?
A: Cocoa Muffs

Q: Whats the diffrence between a park bench and a black guy?
A: The park bench can support a family

Q: What does pontiac stand for?
A: Poor old nigger thinks its a cadillac.

Nuns On A Hot Day

hree nuns in church on a hot day decide to remove their robes because of the heat. Not an unusual habit on a hot day. So about a half hour later, the door bell rings while their robes are slumped over pews clear across the huge chapel.

They ask who it is. "The blind man," a voice replies.

The three nuns decide to simply open the door because the man is blind. He walks in, looks at the nuns and says, "Nice tits! Where do you want me to install these blinds?"

Sex Education

Mr. Smith wanted to become a teacher in the worst way, but the only job he could find was as an instructor at an all female college teaching sex education. His wife was a very jealous woman so Mr. Smith decided he would tell his wife that he would be teaching sailing at this college so that she would not get angry. He was very happy and for months all was well. As fate would have it, one day in the grocery store check out lane, Mrs. Smith overheard a group of girls standing in line behind her talking about college and their instructor Mr. Smith. The girls went on and on about how great this Mr. Smith was at teaching their class. The cashier handed Mrs. Smith her change and said, "Have a great day Mrs. Smith, and thank you, again." One of the girls in line heard the cashier, and asked Mrs. Smith if she was related to the Mr. Smith that was teaching at the college. Mrs. Smith replied, "Yes, he is my husband." Well that set off a torrent of accolades about how knowledgeable Mr. Smith was about the subject matter he was teaching, about how he got the whole class to discuss their fears about learning the subject. Well Mrs. Smith was taken back by what she heard from these girls and replied, "I don't know how you find him to be so gifted at teaching you this course. You know he only tried it twice in his life. The first time he tried it, he got sick, and the second time, his hat blew off and he just quit."

Old Man And His Wife

One day old man Stumpy and his wife Martha went to the Illinois State Fair.  There is this man selling plane rides in his single prop show plane for $10 per person.  Stumpy looks to Martha and says, "Martha, I think I really should try that."  Martha replies, "I know you want to Stumpy, but we have a lot of bills, and you know the money is tight, and $10 is $10."  So Stumpy goes without. Over the next few years they return every year, and the same thing, Stumpy wants to ride, but Martha says no money.
Finally, when Stumpy and Martha are both about 70 years old, Stumpy looks to Martha, and says, "Martha, I'm 70 now, and I don't know if I'll ever get the chance again, so I just have to have a ride in that there airplane."  Martha replies in the same old fashion, and Stumpy kind of slumps down.  The pilot is standing near by and overhears the conversation...
The pilot pipes up, "Excuse me folks, I couldn't help but hear your situation, and I have a deal for you.  I'll take both of you up together, and if you can both make the entire trip without saying a word, or even making the slightest sound, I'll give the ride for free.  But if either of you make a sound, its $10 each." Well, Martha and Stumpy look at each other, and agree to take the ride.
The pilot takes them up, and starts to do loop de loops, twists, dives, climbs and spins.  No sound. The pilot lands the plane, looks back at Stumpy and says, "Sir, I have to hand it to ya, you didn't make even the slightest sound and that was my best stuff."  Stumpy looks back at the pilot and says, "Well, I was gonna say something when Martha fell out, but $10 is $10!"

---

Massage

After nearly 50 years of marriage, a couple was lying in bed one evening, when the wife felt her husband, begin to massage her in ways he hadn't in quite some time.

It almost tickled as his fingers started at her neck, and then began moving down past the small of her back. He then caressed her shoulders and neck, slowly worked his hand down, stopping just over her stomach.

He then proceeded to place his hand on her left inner arm, working down her side, passing gently over her buttock and down her leg to her calf.

Then, he proceeded up her thigh, stopping just at the uppermost portion of her leg. He continued in the same manner on her right side, then suddenly stopped, rolled over and became silent.

As she had become quite aroused by this caressing, she asked in a loving voice, 'Honey, that was wonderful. Why did you stop?'

To which he responded: 'I found the remote.'

Attitude

A young couple on their wedding night were in their honeymoon suite.

As they were undressing for bed, the husband, a big burly man, tossed his trousers to his new bride. He said, "Here, put these on."

She put them on and the waist was twice the size of her body.

"I can't wear your trousers." she said.

"That's right,'' said the husband, "and don't you ever forget it.

I'm the man who wears the pants in this family."

With that she flipped him her panties and said, "Try these on."

He tried them on and found he could only get them on as far as his kneecaps.

"Hell," he said. ''I can't get into your panties!"

She replied, "That's right...and that's the way it is going to stay until your attitude changes."

Best Women For Marriage

Three couples were married and stayed at the same hotel for their honeymoons, where they were all taken care of by Dave the Bellboy.

The first man married a nurse. Dave showed them to their room and thought to himself, "What a lucky guy. Nurses are known to be hot to trot".

The second man married a telephone operator. Dave showed them to their room and thought to himself, "Wow, he's a lucky one. Telephone operators have sexy voices and once you pop that top button...Va-voom.".

The third man married a school teacher. Dave showed them to their room and thought to himself, "Poor guy, she's pretty but teachers are just too frigid".

The next morning, Dave reported to work at 5:30 in the morning. He expected only the teacher's husband to call for breakfast any minute and the other two would call much later in the day.

At 6:00 a.m. the phone rang. It was the nurse's husband wanting breakfast.

The nurse's husband opened the door and Dave stepped back in shock. The man's pajamas were still pressed and his hair nicely combed. Dave asked, "What happened, sir? You married a nurse."

The man sourly replied, "Son, don't ever marry a nurse. All I heard last night was her nagging voice saying, "You're not sanitary, you're not sanitary."

At 6:30 a.m., the phone rang again. The telephone operator's husband called for breakfast.

Dave brought it as fast as possible hoping for the best. The man opened the door and Dave stepped back in shock. The man's hair and pajamas were properly combed and pressed. Dave asked, "What happened? Telephone operators are supposed to be as sexy as their voices."

The man sourly replied, "Son, don't ever marry a telephone operator. All I heard last night was her nasal voice saying, "Your three minutes are up, your three minutes are up."

Dave went back down to the desk, just knowing the teachers husband would be calling any minute. Finally at 4:30 p.m., the teacher's husband called for breakfast.

Dave couldn't believe it, but quickly took the breakfast to the couple's room. The man opened the door and Dave took a step back in shock. The man was wearing only his boxers, his hair was a mess, and he had scratch marks on his chest, arms and legs.

Dave, fearing the worst, asked, "What happened to you? Did you have a fight?"

The man smiled and happily replied, "No, son. When you marry, be sure to marry a school teacher. All I heard last night was her sexy smooth voice saying, "We are going to do this over and over, until we get it right."

Newly Couple

A newlywed couple moves into their new house. One day the husband comes home from work and his wife says, "Honey, you know, in the upstairs bathroom one of the pipes is leaking, could you fix it?" The husband says, "What do I look like, Mr. Plumber?" A few days go by, and he comes home from work and his wife says, "Honey, the car won't start. I think it needs a new battery. Could you change it for me?" He says: "What do I look like, Mr. Goodwrench?" Another few days go by, and it's raining pretty hard. The wife finds a leak in the roof. She says, "Honey, there's a leak on the roof! Can you please fix it?" He says, "What do I look like, Bob Vila?" The next day the husband comes home, and the roof is fixed. So is the plumbing. So is the car. He asks his wife what happened. "Oh, I had a handyman come in and fix them," she says. "Great! How much is that going to cost me?" he snarls. Wife says: "Nothing. He said he'd do it for free if I either baked him a cake or slept with him." "Uh, well, what kind of cake did you make?" asks the husband. "What do I look like," she says, "Betty Crocker?"