Chuck Norris Internet

If Chuck Norris wants to go on the internet, he just stares at the monitor and keyboard. Then the computer and monitor will come on all by themselves and the keyboard automatically types what Chuck Norris is thinking.

Chuck Norris teeth

Chuck Norris never goes to the dentist because his teeth are unbreakable. His enemies never go to the dentist because they have no teeth.

Chuck Norris As Froto

Originally Chuck Norris was to play froto in Lord of the Rings but turned the job down cause only a panzy needs 3 movies to destroy jewlery. Also Chuck Norris was originally cast to play the lead role on the show 24. The producers had to fire him after he killed all of the terrorists in 10 seconds.

Chuck Norris test report

After taking a steroids test, doctors informed Chuck Norris that he had tested positive. He laughed upon receiving this information, and said "of course my urine tested positive, what do you think they make steroids from?"

Chuck Norris Belief

Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris, not the box jellyfish of northern Australia, is the most venomous creature on earth. Within 3 minutes of being bitten, a human being experiences the following symptoms: fever, blurred vision, beard rash, tightness of the jeans, and the feeling of being repeatedly kicked through a car windshield.

Chuck Norris Spot

A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.

CHUCK NORRIS'S number

My wife doesn't fuss at me anymore, because she was looking thru my phone and saw CHUCK NORRIS'S number in my contacts!

Chuck Norris Played Golf

When Chuck Norris played golf for money, chuck marked down a hole in 0 every time, a pro at the golf club, said to Chuck: "excuse me sir, but you cant score zero on a hole". Chuck Norris turned towards the man and said, im Chuck Norris, the man then proceeded to pour gas over his body and set himself on fire because that would be less painful than getting roundhouse kicked by Chuck Norris, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked him in the face anyways.

Chuck Norris Karate Kid

Chuck Norris once ate an entire ream of rice paper and shat out origami swans and Mister Miyagi from Karate Kid.

Chuck Norris Guinness Book of World Records

In fine print on the last page of the Guinness Book of World Records it notes that all world records are held by Chuck Norris, and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone else has ever gotten.

Chuck Norris' shoe

A blind man once stepped on Chuck Norris' shoe. Chuck replied, "Don't you know who I am? I'm Chuck Norris!" The mere mention of his name cured this man blindness. Sadly the first, last, and only thing this man ever saw, was a fatal roundhouse delivered by Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris On Mars

Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life there.

Chuck Norris time machine

Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck Norris met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.

Chuck Norris and Boogeyman

When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris sold

Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.

See Chuck Norris

If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.

Chuck Norris Hunt

Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting infers the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.

Chuck Norris' tears

Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

Teen Chuck Norris

As a teen, Chuck Norris impregnated every nun in a covet in the back hills of Tunsca, nine months later the nuns gave birth to the 1972 Miami Dolphins, the only undefeated and untied team in professional history.

Chuck Norris And Steven Hawking

There was only one man ever to outsmart Chuck Norris, Steven Hawking, he got what he deserved.
Although it is not common knowledge, there are three sides of the force, the light side, the dark side, and Chuck Norris.