Aging Drunks

Two old drunks were drinking up at a bar.
The first one says, “Ya know, when I was 30 and got a hard-on, I couldn’t bend it with both hands.
By the time I was 40, I could bend it about 10 degrees if I tried really hard.”
“By the time I was 50, I could bend it about 20 degrees, no problem.
I’m gonna be 60 next week, and now I can almost bend it in half with just one hand.”
“So,” says the second drunk, “What’s your point?”
“Well,” says the first, “I’m just wondering how much stronger I’m gonna get!”

Comfortable

Two sisters, one blonde and one brunette, inherit the family ranch.
Unfortunately, after just a few years, they are in financial trouble.
In order to keep the bank from repossessing the ranch they need to purchase a bull so that they can breed their own stock.
Upon leaving to check out a good prospect, the brunette tells her sister, “Now, when I get there, if I decide to buy the bull, I’ll contact you to drive out after me and haul it home.”
The brunette arrives at the man’s ranch, inspects the bull, and decides she wants to buy it.
After paying him the $599 asking price, she drives to the nearest town to send her sister a telegram to tell her the news.
She walks into the telegraph office, and says, “I want to send a telegram to my sister telling her that I’ve bought a bull for our ranch. I need her to hitch the trailer to our pickup truck and drive out here so we can haul it home.”
The telegraph operator explains that he’ll be glad to help her, then adds,”It’s just 99 cents a word.”
Well, after paying for the bull, the brunette has only $1 left, meaning she’ll only be able to send her sister a one-word message. After thinking for a few minutes,she nods, and says, “I want you to send her the word…’comfortable’.”
The telegraph operator shakes his head. “How is she ever going to know that you want her to hitch the trailer to your pickup truck and drive out here to haul that bull back to your ranch if you send her the word, ‘comfortable’?”
The brunette explains, “My sister’s a blonde. The word’s big. She’ll read it slowly…out loud… (“com-for-da-bul”).”

New Watch

A confident man walks into a bar and takes a seat next to a very attractive woman. He gives her a quick glance, then casually looks at his watch for a moment.
The woman notices this and asks, “Is your date running late?” “No,” he replies, “I just bought this state-of-the-art watch and I was just testing it.”
The intrigued woman says, “A state-of-the-art watch? What’s so special about it?” “It uses alpha waves to telepathically talk to me,” he explains.
“What’s it telling you now?” she asks. “Well, it says you’re not wearing any underwear.” The woman giggles and replies, “Well it must be broken then, because I am wearing underwear.”
The man explains, “Damn, this thing must be an hour fast.”

The Blonde’s View On Roe Vs. Wade

Bambi, a blonde in her fourth year as a UCLA freshman, sat in her US government class.
The professor asked Bambi if she knew what Roe vs. Wade was about.
Bambi very seriously pondered the question and finally said, “That was the decision George Washington had to make before he crossed the Delaware.”

Stumbling Down

A completely inebriated man was stumbling down the street with one foot on the curb and one foot in the gutter.
A cop pulled up and said, “I’ve got to take you in, pal. You are obviously drunk.”
Our wasted friend asked, “Ociffer, are ya absolutely sure I’m drunk?”
Yeah, buddy, I’m sure,” said the copper. “Let’s go.”
Breathing a sigh of relief, the wino said, “Thank goodness, I thought I was a cripple.”

Blind Man & The Blondes

A blind man enters a Ladies Bar by mistake. He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a drink. After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender, “Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?”
The bar immediately falls absolutely quiet. In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, “Before you tell that joke, sir, I think it is just fair – giving that you are blind – that you should know five things:
1 – The bartender is a blonde girl.
2 – The bouncer is a blonde girl.
3 – I’m a 6 feet tall, 220 lb. blonde woman with a black belt in karate.
4 – The woman sitting next to me is blonde and is a professional weight lifter.
5 – The lady to your right is a blonde and is a professional wrestler.
Now think about it seriously, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?
The blind man thinks for a second, shakes his head, and declares, “Nah, not if I’m gonna have to explain it five times.”

Drunken Fight

An extremely modest man was in the hospital for a series of tests, the last of which had left his bodily systems extremely upset. Upon making several false alarm rips to the bathroom, he figured that the latest episode was just that so he stayed put. Suddenly, however, he filled his bed with diarrhea and was embarrassed beyond his ability to remain rational. In a complete loss of composure, he jumped out of bed, gathered up the bed sheets, and threw them out the hospital window. A drunk was walking by the hospital when the sheets landed on him. The drunk started yelling, cursing and swinging his arms violently in an attempt to free himself of the sheets. He ended up with the soiled sheets in a tangled pile at his feet. As the drunk stood there, staring down at the sheets, a hospital security guard who had witnessed the entire incident, walked up to him and asked, “What the heck is going on?” The drunk, still staring down at the sheets, replied, “I think I just beat the shit out of a ghost.”

Three Broads Having Lunch

bA blond, a brunette and a redhead are sitting down for lunch one afternoon. The redhead says to the others, “I found cigarettes in my daughters room! I can’t believe she’s a smoker!. The brunette says “That’s nothing. The other day I found beer in my daughters room. I can’t believe she’s a drinker!.
The blonde looks at the other two and says, “Well you two are lucky. Just yesterday I found condoms in my daughters room. I never even knew she had a penis!”

Accident At The Brewery

Brenda O’Malley is home making dinner, as usual, when Tim Finnegan arrives at her door. “Brenda, may I come in?” he asks. “I’ve somethin’ to tell ya.” “Of course you can come in, you’re always welcome, Tim. But where’s my husband?”
“That’s what I’m here to be tellin’ ya, Brenda. There was an accident down at the Guinness brewery…”
“Oh, God no!” cries Brenda. “Please don’t tell me…”
“I must, Brenda, your husband Shamus is dead and gone. I’m sorry.”
Finally, she looked up at Tim. “How did it happen, Tim?”
“It was terrible, Brenda,… He fell into a vat of Guinness Stout and drowned,”
“Oh my dear Jesus! But you must tell me true, Tim. Did he at least go quickly?”
“Well, no Brenda…no.”
“No?”
“Fact is, he got out three times to pee.”

The Blonde Cop

Two Alabama State Troopers were chasing a Camaro East on I-20 toward Georgia. When the suspect crossed the Georgia line, the first Trooper pulled over quickly.
The rookie Trooper pulled in behind him and asked the veteran blonde officer, “Hey, sarge, why did you stop?”
The blonde sarge replied, “He’s in Georgia now. They’re an hour ahead of us, so we’ll never catch him.”

A Drunk With Three Darts

There was this drunk that walked into a bar and sat down. To his right were three darts. The drunk said to the bartender. “(hickup) What are these darts for?”
The bartender replied, “Well you see, if anybody can get three bullseyes in a row, they win a prize. The drunk picks up a dart and being very unstable, he throws the first dart and falls off the stool. When he picks himself up, he sees he made a bullseye.
The bartender says, “Oh that was a lucky throw.” So the drunk picks up the second dart and being very unstable, he throws the dart and falls off the stool again. After picking himself up, he saw that he made another bullseye.
The bartender is very shaken because no one has ever made three bullseyes in a row. So the drunk picks up the third dart and being very unstable, throws the dart and falls off the stool again.
After picking himself up, he saw that he made the third bullseye and said, “Give me my prize. I won!” Well, since no one has ever made three in a row, the bartender didn’t really know what to give to the drunk. He looked around and saw that there was a large turtle in the fish tank — he picked it up and gave it to the drunk.
About three weeks later the same drunk walked into the same bar and sat down on the same stool and told the bartender, “(hickup) Hey, I want to play that dart game again.” The bartender said, “Oh, so you really think it wasn’t luck the first time.” The drunk said, “Luck huh, I’ll show you luck and picked up the first dart.”
Being very unstable, he threw the dart and fell off the stool on to the floor. After picking himself up, he saw that he had made a bullseye. The bartender is shaken and thinks, is this guy lucky or am I just stupid. So the drunk picks up the second dart and being very unstable, he throws it and falls off the stool onto the floor.
After picking himself up, he saw that he made another bullseye. Now the bartender is really shaken because this guy is the only one that has ever made three in a row and just in case he does make the third he needs to start looking for something to give to him. The drunk picks up the third dart and being very unstable, throws it and falls off the stool. After picking himself up off the floor he saw that he made another bullseye and said to the bartender, “Give me my prize give me my prize, I won.”
Well the bartender really forgot what he gave the drunk the last time and didn’t want to seem stupid in front of his friends so he said to the drunk, “Look I forgot what I gave you the last time you were in here and I don’t want to give you the same thing, can you kind of help me out and tell me what it was.”
The drunk replied, “(Hiccup) A roast beef sandwich on a VERY hard roll.”

New Hire Painters

A road construction manager needed to hire someone to paint the yellow lines down the middle of a newly constructed road. A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead all get hired. They are each assigned a section of the road. The first day, the blonde paints 2 miles, the redhead 1.5, and the brunette only 1. On the second day, the blonde paints 1 mile, the brunette 2, and the redheaed 2.5. On the third day, the blonde only gets 1/4 of a mile done, the redheaed 3, and the brunette 3.5. The manager decides to talk to the blonde. “You haven’t been painting as much road as you did on the first day,” the manager said. “What’s the problem?” “I’d be painting more, but the bucket keeps getting farther and farther away!”

10 Husbands, Still a Virgin

A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands.

On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin."

"What?" said the puzzled groom.

"How can that be if you've been married ten times?"

"Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative: he kept telling me how great it was going to be.

Husband #2 was in software services: he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me.

Husband #3 was from field services: he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up.

Husband #4 was in telemarketing: even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.

Husband #5 was an engineer: he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.

Husband #6 was from finance and administration: he thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.

Husband #7 was in marketing: although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it.

Husband #8 was a psychologist: all he ever did was talk about it.

Husband #9 was a gynecologist: all he did was look at it.

Husband #10 was a stamp collector: all he ever did was... God! I miss him! But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!"

"Good," said the new husband, "but, why?"

"You're a lawyer. This time I know I'm gonna get screwed!"

sardar

	A Sardar Doctor and Pundit loved same girl. Pundit started giving an apple to the girl everyday. Sardar Doctor asked: WHY ?? Pundit: An apple a day keeps the doctor away!

Santa Banta

Santa: So, you are distantly related to the family next door, are you?
Banta: Yes, their dog is our dog's brother.

Bhol V janda Aey

Ho nhi sakta k mujay teri yaad na aye,
bhool k bhi bhulaon wo waqt na aye,
Tum bhulo to tumhen agli sans na aye
Me bhoolun
.
.
.

.
.
.
Chal koi gal nai Banda bhool bhi jata hai…;)

Faraz

Hamari qismat ka ye pehlu to zara dekho
“Faraz”
jab humne usey kaha:
“I LOVE U”
wo boli
.
.
.
.
Ada mekoon angraizi kainy andee.:-

China Ka Bakra Yaa Kutta

Ab tu dyniya waalon pe bilkul bharosa nhi karna FARAZ…
.
.
.
.
.
Ek bewafa ny hum ko China ka bakra keh k Kutta baich daya..!!
(__) MADE IN
[','/_:"";____
\ C H I N A )\
]/”]/””]/”]/! .,,

Zamanay k darr se Uski tasveer Toilet mein laga rakhi hai

Zamanay k darr se Uski tasveer Toilet mein laga rakhi hai…… Faraz
Wah wah wah
Deedar-e-yar ho bar bar,
Is liye motion ki Goli kha rkhi hai…!

Funny Non Veg Poetry

Jidhar Bhi Dheko Yaroo Ishq Kay Bemar Bhete Hain
Hazaroon Maar Gaye Lakin Lakho Tiyar  Bhety Hain
Barbad Kartay Hain Khud Ko Larkiyo Kay Pichy Bhag Kar
Phir Khetay Hain Nokri Tu Lagwa Do BerozGar Bhet Hain

Funny Joke on Justin bieber

Once A Man Slappes To The Goat.
Goat Started Crying
‘bey bey bey bey hOo bey bey bey bee’
..
‘bey bey bey bey hOo bey bey bey bee’
..
.’bey bey bey bey hOo bey bey bey bee’
.
..
Today that goat iz known as

SARDAR: Yaar Tere Bhai di Ma

SARDAR: Yaar Tere Bhai di Maut da bara Afsos hoya, Waisy hoya Ki Si?

FRIEND: Goli lagi Si Mathey Wich.

Sardar: Oh Tu

Shukar Kar Akh bach gai..

Coleg me hmse 1 Q's Pucha Gyar

Coleg me hmse 1 Q's Pucha Gya
Larki k Behosh Hone Pr Usy Kidhar Hath lgaogy?
Ans:" PU_S_"


Jinho ne PULSE Kaha Vo Doctor Bngye
Baki Sb kaminey Mere Dost Hn ;)

Mehmaano k aanay se pehlay agr

Mehmaano k aanay se pehlay agr kala namak
or MOOLI k parathy kha k bethen to 
mehman jldi chly jaty hai or dubara nhi atay
Zubaida aapa k totkay ;)

Usne mere Saamne Beth Kr Bohat

Usne mere Saamne Beth Kr Bohat Ghamgeen Lehje mein Kaha,
Agar Tum Mujhe isi Tarah Ignore Karte rahe to DeKhna Main eK din Tumhein chor K chali jaongi..
Maine Muskura Kr Uski Aankhon mein DeKha or Dheere se Kaha:
NiKal Shabaash
Bachiyan Bohat..

Punjabi salesman bargainin

Punjabi salesman bargaining wid lady

baji dopaty vichon sanu kuj ni

labda,

kameez vichon fair ve do lab jande ne,

shalwar vich tay sanu paliyon pana painda aey.

Rat ho chuki thirnEk darkht ki

Rat ho chuki thi

Ek darkht ki shakh pe ek waila Bulbul lotay jesa mu bana k betha hua tha

Wahan se ek jugnu ka guzr hua to usne bulbul se pucha

Bhotni k abi tk ghr nhi gaya yahan betha kya chholay kha rha ha?

Bulbul tapp k bola

"ani deya, tu ty piche UPS fit karwaya hova ae

saday ghr lite nai ay!

Kch Badli Hui Taqdir Nzr A

Kch Badli Hui Taqdir Nzr Aati Hai

Yadon Ki 1 Zanjir Nzr Ati Hai

Parhen B To Kia Parhen ?

Hr Page Pe "SHEELA" Ki Tasvir Nzr ati hai....

Teacher: pakistan k kitne soob

Teacher: pakistan k kitne soobe hain.?
Pthan: chaar,
Teacher:Good
Pehli dfa sahi jwab dia hy chalo ab un k naam btao.?
Pthan:
1.Mashriq¤
2.Magrib¤
3.Shumal¤
4.Junob¤

During The Match, Batsman LBW

During The Match, Batsman LBW Hua:

Aik Sardar Doosre Se: "Log Hum Ko Pagal Samajhty Hain,
Yahan Tou Sab Pagal Hain,
Lagi Batsman Ko Hai or Cheekh Bowler Rha h."

Boy:Shadi k lye kon c Date rak

Boy:Shadi k lye kon c Date rakhen?

Girl:22 DEC

Boy:Koi Khas Waja ?

Girl:(Sharmatay hoye)Suna hai Saal ki Sub se Lmbi Raat Hoti Hai...

Aakhir Kia Masla Hy rnTum Lo

Aakhir Kia Masla Hy
Tum Logo'n k Saath
Har Waqt Tumhe'n Totke
Batati Raho'n
Faltu Samjha Hy Kia ?
...Jab Dekho Zaleel o Khwar
Kia Hua Hy
SsssssssssHhhh
.
.
.
.
.
Zubaida Aapa Ghusse
Mein :

1 Bacha jiski umr 3 saal hai s

1 Bacha jiski umr 3 saal hai sham se Ghar Nahi aaya LaaL Rung ki chaddi pehna hua hai.

Jis kisi ko Milay fouran,

Uski chaddi utar k Poti saaf kar dein.

Shukriya

Date pe girl frnd ko le jana h

Date pe girl FRIEND ko le jana ho to usko Burqa'a ya Naqab pehna lo.

Is tarha Shabbir b nai dekhe ga or MUNNI badnam b nai hogi

Zubaida Apa k jawani k Totkey:-)

*. . .Pathan to wife: in roman

*. . .Pathan to wife: in romantic mode,

Meri jan kia aj humse naraz hai?wife: nahi tu?

Pathan: tu phir aj humari taraf monh kion kar rakha hai;-)

kitnay nadan thay tufann ko ki

kitnay nadan thay tufann ko kinara smjha.

byjan saharon ko sahara samjha.

kitnay kam zarf thay wo log jo sahill par thay.

mujay nanga dykha our nzara samjha.

Young Man 2 Taxi Driver Young

Young Man 2 Taxi Driver

Young Man 2 Taxi Driver:

Bhai Speed Slow Kro

Mre 12 Chote Chote Bche Hain..

Taxi Driver:
Apni Speed Dekhi He.

Father to Son Agar

Father to Son Agar is bar tu fail hua to mujhay apna baap mat kehna

Next Day

Father: Kiya bana

result ka?

Son: Bas irfan bhai mat pocho

Wife; agar main

Wife; agar main pakistan ki sb sy bari choti K2 pr charhny main kamyab ho jaon,

to ap mujhy kia

dain gy?
.
Husband; Dhaaakaaaa

Teacher:How do you think Shakespeare wrote such master pieces?

Student slowly and Innocently

replies:With a pencil mam

pathan: larki se

pathan: larki se

I love u...

Larki:tameez se baat kro...

Pathan: "BISMILLAH ERAHMAN ERAHEEM"

I love

u.

2 bewaqoof 1 ajaib ghr gay.

Waha sheshy k box my 1 dancha dekha.Jis pr likha tha.

1557 BC.1 bola

aisa lagta hy k ye kisi truck k neachy aya tha.

Dosra bola ha s lye to truck ka number diya hy.

Sardarji:There are

Sardarji:There are lot of girls who dont want to get married!

Friend:How do you know?

Sardarji:I

asked them

BiVi: Shadi K

BiVi: Shadi K Shuru Mai Jb Main
Khana Paka K Lati thi
AP Zada Muje Khilate or
Khud Kum Khate
Pr
Ab Aisa Q Nahi Krte
Shahor:Q K Ab Tmhe Khana Pakana Aa Gya hai;)

Girl: HUM Kahan Ja

Girl:
HUM Kahan Ja Rahe Hain?

Boy:

Long Drive Par

Girl:

Wow
Pehle Kyun Nai Batya

Boy:

Mjhe B Abhi Pata
Chala Hai

Girl:Kaisay

BoY:Break Nai lag rhi:-)

Interviewer to Sardar: f A PA

Interviewer to Sardar:
f A PARATHA & A PIZZA r dropd from 50 Ft, which will reach the Ground 1st?
Srdr: PIZZA
Intr:Y?
Srdr: Bcoz it is FAST FOOD!

NAME: Gulabo Masih

NAME:
Gulabo Masih

PASSI0N:
Jhaaro Pocha

SPECIALIST:
Gattar Or Pipe Line Kholna

Date of Birth:
16/03/85

WEIGHT:
90 Kgs

HEIGHT:
4'5"

COLOR:
Dark Chocolate Black

BIRTH PLACE:
Bhains Colony

DREAM:
Shaadi Karungi To Sirf Sms Parhne Walay Se

Oye Hoey;-)
Muskurahat To Dekho Mere Yaar Ki

Life ho to Aysi...

Life ho to Aysi...


Monday ko Dosti Tuesday ko Pyar.

Wdnsday ko Magni
Thrsday ko Baraat

Friday ko Fighting
Satrday ko
Talaq

Sunday ko Rest
Monday ko Next...

Boss (ghussy se):

Boss (ghussy se):
"Ye tm itny choty choty kapry q pehanti ho."


Secretary:"Kya karon,itni salary me itny hi choty kpry aaty hn."

Boss:"Chalo aj se salary band.

Film Director

Film Director to SAIMA:

"Suhag
Raat ka Scene hai aur
Aap Hero ko garam doodh ka gLass deti ho"

Saima: "Jab GLass se he piLana
tha to mujhe Q cast kiya"?

Bv: ap ny

Bv: ap ny
pichly sal
Eid py mujhe Lohay ka bed banwa k dia tha, is dafa kia irada hy?

Shohar: is sal us men
current cHORNay ka irada hy.

Damagh Insaani Jism ka

Damagh Insaani Jism ka Sb Se Important Hissa Hai,

Ye Saal k 365,
Din k 24 Ghanty jagta Rehta Hai
,

Or Ye Ap ki Paidaish k 7 Hi kaam Shuru kr Deta Hay,

Or Tb Tk Kaam krta Rehta Hai Jb Tk Aap.


















"
Shaadi Nhi kr Lete :

1 larki ne namaz parh

1 larki ne namaz parh kr dua mangi

To Maa ne pucha: Tum ne dua mangi kia manga?

Larki : Wohi manga
jo har larki ki khwahish hy.

Maa : kia?

Larki.


,; * " *;,; *"* ;,
'* Irfan ,;*
"* Khan,; *"
Maa
Uffff! Beti tmhari aisi qismat
kahan.

Wo kya cheez hai jo hawa mein

Wo kya cheez hai jo hawa mein ho to Larki pregnant ho jati hai?




Socho


Nahi Pata?



dono Taangain...!

Suhaag raat per doolhe ne d

Suhaag raat per doolhe ne dulhan ko

'Moo Dikhayeè'

may Rs.1,000,000/=

deeye to dulhan heiraan

ho ker

bolee,



,



,



,



,



"kitne aadmi hen..

Ek Bache ne nekar utar kar

Ek Bache ne nekar utar kar Ek Bachi se kaha

Tumare pas ye hai?

Bachi ne apni

Shlawar utr kar jawab

diya

Ammi kehti hai

Jis k pas ye ho Usy wo bohat mil jate hain.

1 Charsi apni bv ko doctor

1 Charsi apni bv ko doctor k pas lay gya



Wo bachay ki umeed se thi



doctor ne pet check kr k kaha

iiss me gas hy



chand roz bad phir aya doctor phir bola

iss me gas hy



charsi ne apna doctor ko dikhaya

aur kaha



isss ko check karo ye lun hy ya CNG pump.

CHALO BHAI SAB KO BOHAT BOH

CHALO BHAI SAB KO BOHAT BOHAT MUBARAKBAD.





shoaib malik ko khelnay k liye PITCH mil gayi or.







SANIA MIRZA KO

1 RACKET K SATH SATH

N2 TENNIS BALL B..

wakil ki beti ko pet me bac

wakil ki beti ko pet me bacha peda ho gya.



wakil:

ye bacha kis larkay ka hy?





beti:

abbo agr ap 1darjan kaily kha lai to ap ko kaise pata chalayga k ap ko qabaz kis kaily se

hoi.

12 se 20 saal ki Larki FOOT

12 se 20 saal ki Larki FOOTBALL ki tarha hoti hai,

1 K Peechay 22 Log!





21 se 30 ki Larki CRICKET BALL Ki tarha hoti hai,

1 k hath Aati hai,

Baqi Taliyan Bajatay Hain!





30 se 40 saal ki Larki nahi hoti,

Wo Aunty hoti hai

Jo TABLE TENIS ki BALL ki tarha hoti hai

1

Kehta Hai Tu Rakh

Dosra Kehta Hai Tu Rakh!

Boy+Girl=Love Boy+Girl

Boy+Girl=Love



Boy+Girl+Love=

Marriage





Boy+Girl+Marriage=Child





Boy+Girl+Child=Family





Boy+Girl+Child+ Family =Problem





But





Boy+Boy=No Marrige



Boy+Boy=No Child





Boy+Boy=No Family,



Boy+Boy=No Problem

So,

East or West



bachabaazi is the best.

Bcha: maa ka sena dek kar

Bcha: maa ka sena dek kar

Ami ye kia hai? Maa:beta ghubare hai

Bcha: saat wali aunty k apse bare

hai.

Maa:tum ne kab deke?

Bcha:abbo kal un me hwa bar raha ta.

2 aurato ne driving seekhna

2 aurato ne driving seekhna shoro kya.



jb dono k shoher apas me mily.



1 bola

meri bv ko pata nahi

kya howa rat ko mera pakar kar kehti hy

1gear 2gear



dosra bola

ye to kuch b nahi meri bv

dono tange khol k kehti hy

500 ki petrol dalna.

Tip Of The Day; 3 mool

Tip Of The Day;



3 mooli k parathy 2gobhi k prathy 1plate mash ki daal or 1pyala ublay hoye chaney

Ek sath khaen Or Apna zaati CNG STATIONbanaen..

Kehty hain Larki k hath me

Kehty hain Larki k hath me barkat hoti hy,

Bilkul sahi,

Q k 2 inch ki cheez hath me do to

6 inch ki

kar deti hy,

.

.

.



Jeisy "Rooti"

gr apko 16 Saal ki larki j

 Agr apko 16 Saal ki larki jhuk kr slaam kry to ap ko os ki kya cheez nazr ay ge?



























Us ki achi tarbiat...





Bhai hath jorta hon kbi to sahi socha kr...

Daalne laga me to cheekhne

Daalne laga me to cheekhne lagi wo,

Huwa dard itna k seh na saki wo

Taklef hui itni k boli bahar nikalo

Please Dosri size ki choriyan mere hath me dalo.

Husband Begum Humare Sex

Husband

Begum Humare Sex Waley Clips INTERNET per kis Ne Bhaijey..?

Wife: Main ne kaha tha na k

Munney ko Camrey walaa Mobile na le kr do..

1‎ din mila wo mujh se!

1‎ din mila wo mujh se!



bujha bujha sa



juda juda sa



Thka thka sa



Udasion me



Rcha bsa sa











Mujhy andaza

ho gya k Kanjar "Muth" maar k aaya hy.

1 murgha murghi k pichay bh

1 murgha murghi k pichay bhag raha tha.murghi car se takrai r mar gai.murgha bola.

sali ne jaan

to dy di pr apni izzat bacha li.

Tere dil ka dard kisne dekh

Tere dil ka dard kisne dekha hai "Nargas"







Sb bhenchood sirf mammay

dekhty hain...

Delivery k waqt jab Mariza

Delivery k waqt jab Mariza rone lagi tu Dr. faraz bola:



BB G ye waqt

nahi ha rone ka

Ye Waqt hai Bacha hone ka



Us Wqt Q nhi roti thi

Jab

pura lekar soti thi

A man goz 2 a chakla in PES

A man goz 2 a chakla in PESHAWAR



Lahori: Koi maal dikhao.

Khan: Ye 3

larka hai.

Lahori: Koi larki nhi hai?

Khan: (Gun nikal k)

O bhen chod

tm Zina karta ha?

7 doston ke suhagrat k ne

7 doston ke suhagrat k

next day





1.Meri BV to 1110,jese mrzi use kro

2.Mere BV 3310 nikli.36 saal ka purana model.



3.Meri BV N95,zara pyar se chalana parta hai

4.Meri BV to Blackberry hy.Got everything but complicated



5.Meri BV DUAL SIM hy

kbi age dalo kbi peche dalo





6.Meri BV saali china mobile hy,pehli raat mai choot phat gae

7.Bechara Rotey huve bola...

Oy yaro lut gya, barbad ho gya

Mera

set khula hua nikla"

BACHA: mummy muje es dukan

BACHA: mummy muje es dukan se PATAKHy lene hain.

MUMY: beta ye dukan

nhi girls hostel hai.

BACHA: lekn papa to kehty hain k shehr k sary

PATAKHy yahan hain..

Girl talking 2 her sister a

Girl talking 2 her sister after suhaag raat:

Ap se kya parda Baji me sb bta deti hoo

Shab-e-arosi ki kahani me suna deti hon

Mere honton ko honton se dabaya baji,

Bagh-e-nasheman pe b hath lagaya baji,

Laraztey jism me 1 bijli c kond gayi,

Us ne bosa jo seney pe lagaya baji,

Naaf tak reeng gayi haye 1 khari cheez,

Zalim ne dhaaka jo zoor se lagaya baji,

Dard-e-lutf sey 1 haye to nikli lekin,

Dheray dheray se mujhy b chain aya baji,

Phir to anay laga rg rg me saroor-o-masti

Us ne chappu jo rawani se chalaya baji

1 chashma sa ubalta hova mehsoos howa

Aakhri jhatka jo zalim ney lagaya baji

1 kishti me kaptan ny 1 lar

1 kishti me kaptan ny 1 larki ko dhamki di.k agar tum mery sath

nahi soti to me jahaz ko doob donga.

bad me us ny apny shoher ko sms kia.k

tum ko muj par fakhar KRNA chahye.me ne 600 musafaro ko 2 din me 9

dafa bachaya.

1 Kisan ka murga budha ho g

1 Kisan ka murga budha ho gya.wo bzar se jwan murga ly aya or murgion

me chor dia.

Budhy murgay ne jwan murgy ko kaha: larai sy acha hy k hm dono race

lga kr haar jeet ka faisla kr lein.Jo jeet gya murgian uski. Mgr me

budha hon me pehly bhagun ga phir tm bhagna.

Jwan murga maan gya.Budha murga shor mchata bhaag khara hua or jwan

b usk peechay bhaga.

Shor sun k kisan gun ly k ghar sy nikla or jwan murgay ko mar k bola:

Ye tesra murgha b LONDAYBAZ nikla:

Exam & Sex k bad sari g

Exam & Sex k bad sari girls ki feelings same hoti hai!

*kitna lamba tha na

*kaash kuch time aur mil jata

*pehle kitna dar lag raha tha na

*phir to pata hi nahi chala k kab hogiya

*uff 1 ghante tak to meri sans hi band hogai thi

*aagay ka to theek tha pechay ka kitna mushkil tha na

Punjabi: Muj se panga mat l

Punjabi: Muj se panga mat lo,may sher da puttar aa!

Pathan: Yar 1 baat tu bata?

Sher ghar aya tha Ya teri maa jungle gai thi?

Student : sir y the girls n

Student : sir y the girls not take mobile n their own brazier?





Teacher : bcoz the vibration of the mobile convert their milk n2 lassi

Pathan: 3Saal Sa Hamara Bac

Pathan: 3Saal Sa Hamara Bacha Nai ho Raha



Doc: Ye To Barhi ParishAni Ki Baat Hai



Ap Apnay Partner Ko Bulao

Pathan: Sabir Khan Andar ajao

Punjbi or Pathan ki Bv Gum

Punjbi or Pathan ki Bv Gum hogae





Pathan:Teri Bv kesi he?





Punjbi

:Blue Eyes

Red Lips

Sexy body

Or

Teri kesi hy?





Pathan: meri chor teri wali Dhondte hai

a small boy took a knife &a

a small boy took a knife & wrote his girlfriend's name on his hand...



5 mins. Later he start crying loudly..



Why?

.........

Pain



no...



Spelling mistake....:

1 lrka 1 larki ko window se

1 lrka 1 larki ko window se ishara kr k bola,



“jhalak dikhlaja jhalak dikhlaja“



larki chapal utar k boli



“1 bar aja aja aja aja,aa ja.

HARD-DISK woman: She reme

HARD-DISK woman:

She remembers everything, FOREVER.

RAM woman:

She forgets about you, the moment you TURN her off.

INTERNET woman:

Difficult to access.

SERVER woman:

Always busy when you need her.

CD-ROM woman:

She is always faster and faster.

EMAIL woman:

Every ten things she says, eight are nonsense.

VIRUS woman:

Also called ?wife?; when you are not expecting her, she can cause system crash

Laloo bada chalak hai

Laloo bada chalak hai

Nau baccho ka bap hai

Laloo bada nirala he

dasva ane wala he...

ye andar ki baat hai

isme Vajpayee ka hat hai..

Husband asks, Do you know the meaning of WIFE.

Husband asks, Do you know the meaning of WIFE.
 
It means...Without Information Fighting Everytime!
 
WIFE satys No, it means -
 
With Idiot for Ever

Sardar was writing something very slowly

Sardar was writing something very slowly.
 .
 .
Friend asked: Why r u writing so slowly?
 .
 .
Sardar: Im writing 2 my 6 yr old son, he cant read very fast.

Sardar proposed a Girl...... Girl said "Im 1yr elder to you"

Sardar proposed a Girl......


 Girl said Im 1yr elder to you...........
Sardar said Oye No Problem Soniye,Ill marry you NEXT YEAR.

Sardar to Girlfriend= Darling main tum

Sardar to Girlfriend= Darling main tum se shaadi nahi karsakta gharwale mana karrahe hai.

Girlfriend= Tumhare ghar me kaun kaun hai.

Sardar= 1 biwi aur 3 bacche..

Love sms A sardarji Doctor falls in Love

A sardarji Doctor falls in Love with a Nurse.

He writes a love letter to the Nurse :-

I Love U sister...

Ik raat bahu ne

Ik raat bahuu ne kisi gair merd ke saath guzari,
mager saas ne kush na kaha,
bhala kiun,
kiun ke saas bhi kabi Bahu thiiiiiiiii

Two Lovers Plan to die

2 Lovers plan to suicide.
Boy jumped first, Girl closed her eyes & return back saying love is blind.
Boy in air opened his parachute saying love never dies.

Mooli kay 2 Faiday

Mooli kay 2 Faiday Hotay hain,
1st: Mooli sey aap Saled bana sakty hain,
2nd:
,
,
,
Mooli Walay Parthy,
I know tum to hameesha ghalat he Socho gy.

Shaadi k pehle

Shaadi k pehle ladka: Darling!! tum nahi to mai nahi... Aur mai nahi to tum nahi...
Shaadi k bad ladka: Aj ya tan tu nahi ya mai nahi!

Wo kOn c Movie Hai.........

Wo kOn c Movie Hai jO AP Awaz Band Kr k Bhi Dekh Saktay,or Entertain Ho Jatay hO?
.
.
.
Think.?
.
.
"MR.BEAN"
U dirty mind

Hand In Hand

Four stages of a girl and boy friendship:
.
.
1. Hand in Hand.
.
.
2. That in Hand.
.
.
3. Hand in That.
.
.
4. That in That ....!

Teacher ko maa samjho

Teacher says,
.
Agar apna
character acha
karna chahte ho to
apni har teacher ko
maa samjho
.
.
.
.
.
Student :
per miss is se hamary papa ka character kharab hoga.

Girl to riksha wala

Girl to riksha wal :
Q bhai jaye ga ?
Riksha Wala : Zaroor Jaye ga, abhi abhi to Oil lga kar khara kia hai
.
.
Girl : to phir Ghuma kar peechay le loo

Diffrence

Ques. What is the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb?
Ans. U can unscrew a light bulb

Mix Up

Boss to Secretary: For a week we’ll go abroad.
She calls hr husband: For a week I & boss are going abroad
Husband calls Girlfriend: Wife going,lets enjoy.
Girlfriend calls her student: For a week u are free.
Little boy calls his grandpa: I’m free.
Grandpa (boss) calls Secretary: Tour cancelled. I’m with my grandson this week.
Secatary calls her husband: Tour cancelled.
Husband calls Girlfriend: Wife is not going.
Girlfriend calls her student: This week ur class would be as usual.
Boy calls grandpa: Sorry I’ve to attend my class.
Grandpa calls Secretary: We r going abroad.
To be continued.

SHADI SE PEHLE OR BAD

SHADI SE PEHLE
Boy: atlast wo din aagaya.
Girl:Tum muje chor to nai doge?
Boy: No way esa sochna b mat.
Girl: Will u kiss me??
Boy: Yes.
Girl: Tumari zindagi me koi or to nahi?
Boy: No not at all.
Girl: Do u lov me?
Boy: Yes dear.
Girl: Oh dear!
SHADI K BAAD
Ab Nechay Say Upper tak Parho

Kuch log thodi der karte hain….

Kuch log thodi der karte hain….
Kuch log 2-3 dafa karte hain,
aur kuch saari raat karte rahate hain,
tab jaakar hota hai….
unka…
Mobile Charge…!

Then lets try d other

Tell me.is it going in?..yeah ..is it hurting?..ooh yeah
..ouch its hurtin ..ok i wil put it in slowly ..
stil hurtin..ahh yeh ….den lets try d other shoe madam

can sizzle like bacon,

can sizzle like bacon,
I am made with an egg,
I have plenty of backbone, but lack a good leg,
I peel layers like onions, but still remain whole,
I can be long, like a flagpole, yet fit in a hole,
What am I?













Answer

A snake.

Dil karta hai k,ek din tumhayapnay ghar lay jahoon,

Dil karta hai k,ek din tumhayapnay ghar lay jahoon,
jab mera ghar koi na hoo.tumhay apnaa room main lay jaa
ker apna bed per betha do,darwazaband kar k.
sari windows bhi band kar do,
parday girrakar lights off kar do aur
tumharay kareeb aakar tumharay saath beth jahoon,
apnaa haath tumhari taraf brhaa kartumhay dikhaon hoon k………..
mari ghari ki bhi light lagti hai

Sharafat se roz SMS kia karo

Teri yaad dil se jane nahi denge,
Tere jesa dost khone bhi nahi denge,
Sharafat se roz SMS kia karo warna,
Ek kaan k niche denge or rone bhi nahie denge

Meet my wife Tina

Boy1:Meet my wife Tina
Boy2.Oh! I know her
Boy1:How?
Boy2:v were caught sleeping together
Boy1:What the hell?
Boy2.during lecture in maths class

TERi lita k lu

TERi lita k lu?
Ya bitha k lu?
Andhere main lu ya bulb jala k lu?
ya tujhe karun khara ?
ya teri jhuka k lu?
Ab tu hi bata k main teri
PHoto
kaise lon?

Teri Maa ki

Teri Maa ki,
Teri Behen ki,
Tere Papa ki,
Tere Bhai ki,
Tere puray khandan ki,
JAAN hy tu pagal !
Apna khayal rakha kAr:-)

HORROR Film

Close ur eyes n think about yourself,
ur face
ur style
ur nature
ur smile
ur looks
Now open your eyes
Free main HORROR film dikhai na?
Chalo thanks bolo;-)

Put 2 Fingrs In

Hold It Gently

Put 2 Fingrs

If Dey Dnt

Fit

Fos Dem In

If De Hole‘s Big Enaf

Put3

Muv Up & Down

Slowly..

Ooh Yes..

Can U Fil It?

Dats How U Wash A Glass

paani undar nahi jana chaeye

Boy to girl Oopr ka kpra utarna hoga neechay dnda dalna hoga girl says kuch bi karo
Laikin paani undar nahi jana chaeye Umbrella say

Thanda glass pani

Wo kon si cheez hai jo aap kay andar jay to aap ko bohat sakoon milta hai.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Thanda glass pani!!

Fuck off

fuck off
f
u
c
k off
yes fuck off
ooh. dont get the wrong meaning.
fuck off means:
F-friend like
U- u
C-can
K-keep
O-our
F-friendship
F-forever..

sharmao mut bus ab le lo

Le kar tu dekho kabhi mera bhi

Na ziada lamba hai Na ziada chota


sub k samne lo

Ya tanhai me lo



sharmao mut bus ab le lo

kiya bhala

MERA NAAM

Do it on bed

It’s the thing that satisfies
Your mind, body & soul!
Do it on bed, on a sofa,
In the car or anywhere!
It’s called Prayer!
God bless your naughty mind!

GIRLS doodh Bachain

Shadeed sardi ki waja se bhenso ne doodh kam dena shuru kr dia hai, dar hai k doodh ki shortage ho jaye gi, is liy tamaam “GIRLS” se guzarish hai k is muskil waqt mein hukumat ka sath den
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
aur boil karte waqt doodh zaya hone se bachayen.
U dirty mind.

mombatti se kam chala rahi hain

Ladies Hostel se ek aurat ne WAPDA k office phone kiya.
aur complain ki:
Aaj to aadmi bhej do,
Larkiyan 3 din se mombatti se kam chala rahi hain.

Legs utha ke karo.

Legs utha ke karo.
Tange feala ke karo.
Ghuma ghuma ke karo.
Aage peechey dono taraf karo.
Jitna karoge utna halka mehsoos hoga.
*Ramdev ji ka yoga*

dard ho raha hai kya

Boy: pura ander chala gaya na
Girl: ji, bilkul chala gaya
Boy: dard ho raha hai kya..
Girl: haaaaaan
Boy: Is It Completely Fit or Not.
Girl: Perfect
Boy: Are You Feeling Comfortable In It?
Girl: Zaberdast, Bilkul Aaram hai..
Boy: Aray Suno, Pack these sandals for madam

Bargaining

Sardar salesman bargaining wid lady
baji dopaty vichon sanu kuj ni labda, kameez vichon fair ve do lab jande ne, shalwar vich tay sanu paliyon pana painda aey.

Kal Raat Ko Tu Had Hi Hogai

B0Y: Aaj Kesa FeeL Kar Rahi Ho ?
GIRL: Kal Raat Ko Tu Had Hi Hogai,
Uff 2 Ghante Meri To Jaan Hi Nikal Gai,
Sare Kaprey Geelay Hogaye Thay,
Pehle To 1 Ghanta Karte Thay,
Magar Kal To Poore 2 Ghante Tak Sans Hi Nai Aayi,
1 Ghanta ßhi ßohat Tha,
.
.
.
Aakhir 2 Ghante Tak LIGHT 0FF Karne Ki Kya Zarurat Thi WAPDA Walon Ko..;-)

ladkiya bhi badi ageeb hoti hai

e ladkiya bhi badi ageeb hoti hai
bat bat par tufan utha leti hai,
kuch na ka karo to muh fula leti hai.
kuch kar do to pet fula leti hai.

Janu Ye Toh Bht Bara Hy

Girl: Janu Ye Toh Bht Bara Hy
Boy: Koshish Toh Kro
Girl: Janu Bht Mota Hy
Boy: Doobara Try Kro
Girl: Poora Nhi Jae Ga
Boy: Jaan Tumhe Meri Kasam
Girl: Andar Se Paani Nikal Rha Hy
Boy: Acha Aakhri Baar Try Kro
Girl: Uff Mere Kapre Kharab Ho Gae, Ab Tum Hee Saare
Gol Gappay
Khao Mujhe Nhi Khany.

Lal Naig

Jab rat ko
koi Tum per
char jey,
Apni Monchoon
se Tum ko
chomay
Or
Apni Balon wali
Tangen Tum
par pherey
To
Samajh jana ye
Sala
LAL BAIG
hy..

Kon Salaa

Judge:

“U r crossing ur limits.”

Lawyer:

“Kon saala kehta hai?”

Judge:

How dare u call me saala?”

Lawyer:

My lord

i said kon

Sa Law’ kehta hai?

Funny Girl Add

 

Funny Commercial...the driver are trying to flirt with tat gal..but she tries to ignore him by playing the music loudly...then she found tat the crop is gone from the driver's car n shocked to find him sitting behind her car enjoying the music from 'kenwood audio player'....tis advertisment stressed on that their audio player makes thoase "pass away" stay alive... :P

How to end an argument

 

How to end an argument with a woman..hilarious commercial

best, funniest commercial video

 

best commercial ever. awsome. you really have to watch.

Coca Cola Funny Girls commercial

 

Funny Add

McDonalds FUNNY AD

 

 McDonalds Egypt Add

Very Funny Pepsi Commercial

 

It's a very funny Pepsi commercial with Chinese Monks.

Funny Toyota Rav4 Murder Ad

 

Carjam Car Radio Show -- A Car Show About People

Six Girls You Date in College

College Humor Offline at Gramercy Theatre

Promo for the College Humor Offline show at Gramercy Theatre Friday August 5th presented by Klondike!

Weird Al Yankovic On A Boat (And The Band Played On)

As the ship went down, they kept spirits up. Kind of.

Sardarni Da Maika

Sardarni Maikay Ja Rahi Thi.

Sardar Packing Kartay Huwey Sochta Hay:

“Kinni Bholi Ey,

Maain Naal Nai Ja Ryaa,

Fir V

.

.

.

Condom Naal Le k Ja Rai Aay..!

COLLEGE Meaning

Do U know the fullform of COLLEGE?
C for Come,
O for On,
L for Lets,
L for Love,
E for Each,
G for Girl,
E for Equally……
That’s y boys go to clg regularly….

bitya ko kesy paya

Sardar ne Urdu Family me shadi ki;

Valima k roz

Susar:To aap ne hamaari bitya ko kesy paya?

Sardar shrmate hue;

O G 1 wari aggo te 3 wari picho paya ;-)

Billi Doodh Pee Gai

Sardarni:

Utho sardar ji utho

Sardar:ki hoya a?

Sardarni:

Billi sara doodh pi gai a

Sardar:

Tenu kinni vari keya a k kameez pa k suya kar

Female Training Seminars

1. Elementary Map Reading
2. Crying and Law Enforcement
3. Advanced Math Seminar: Programming Your VCR
4. You CAN Go Shopping for Less than 4 Hours
5. Gaining Five Pounds vs. The End of the World: A Study in Contrast
6. The Seven-Outfit Week
7. PMS: It's YOUR Problem, Not Mine "It's Happened Monthly Since Puberty....... Deal With it"
8. Driving I: Getting Past Automatic Transmissions
9. Driving II: The Meaning of Blinking Orange Lights
10. Driving III: Approximating a Constant Speed
11. Driving IV: Makeup and Driving: It's As Simple As Oil and Water
12. Football: Not a Game: A Sacrament
13. Telephone Translations: formerly titled "'Me Too' Equals I Love You"
14. How to Earn Your Own Money
15. Gift-giving Fundamentals: formerly titled "Fabric Bad, Electronics Good"
16. Putting the Seat Down By Yourself: Potential Energy is on Your Side
17. Beyond "Clean and Dirty": The Nuances of Wearable Laundry
18. Yes, You Can Fill Up At A Self Serve Station
19. Joys of the Remote Control: Reaping the Benefits of 50+Channels
20. What Goes Around Comes Around: Why His Credit Card is Not a Toy
21. His Best Friend Can Be Yours Too
22. His Poker Games: Deal Yourself Out
23. Commitment Schmittment (formerly titled "Wedlock Schmedlock"
24. To Honor and Obey: Remembering the Small Print Above "I Do"
25. Why Your Mother Is Unwelcome In The House
26. Your Mate: Selfish Bastard, or Victimized Sensitive Man?

NIAZI EXPRESS Of Sardar

Srdar Ki Ama Mr Gyi.

1 srdar Bola Ama Meno v ly jandi.

Phr 2-4 Or Bole Ama sano v ly jndi.

Srdar:

Chup Ho Jao bghairtu hamari

Ama c

ya

“NIAZI EXPRESS”

Buissness Man And Girl

One day a man went on a buissness trip to Florida.
He had saw this hooker and he asked “How much for a hand job?”
The hooker replied “100 Bucks”
The man said “100 Bucks, That’s a lot of got damn money”
So the hooker pulled him to the side and said “See that Mercedes, I paid for that by giving hand jobs.”
So he gave her the money and received the best hand he had ever had.
The next day he sees her and asks “How much for a head job?”
She said “200 dollars”
“200 dollars that’s a lot of money”
She pulled him to the side and said “You see that yahat by the pier, I paid for that yahat by giving head jobs.”
So he gives her the money, and get the best head job of his life
On hist last day in Florida he returns to the hooker and says “The hand job was good, the head job was great how much for the whole package.”
“1000 dollars’
“1000 dollars that’s a lot of god damn money”
So she pulled him to side and said “You see that island, I could afford that if i had a pussy.”

Sardar Education

Sardar’s Friend: Yaar,
Last Year The Name Plate Outside Your House
Read Santa Singh, B.A.
This Year It Reads Santa Singh, M.A.
When Did You Finish Your Masters Degree?
Sardar: You Don’t Understand.
Last Year My Wife Died,
I Put B.A. To Indicate “Bachelor Again”.
Then I Took A Second Wife, So M.A. Is “Married Again”.

10 Things Not To Tell Your Boyfriend

0. Oh come on! Who's gonna find out?
9. Well, your brother likes it this way.
8. Eeewww! Put that back in your shorts!
7. Dare to compare?
6. Can you go to the store and get me some tampons?
5. Is it supposed to bend that way?
4. Can I twist your wiener into a poodle?
3. Just go away I can finish myself!
2. I'm pregnant. . . . Ha just kidding!
1. Is it in yet?

12- Pack

A father and his son go into the grocery store when they happen upon the condom aisle. The son asks his father why there are so many different boxes of condoms. The father replies, ”Well, you see that 3-pack? That’s for when you’re in high school. You have 2 for Friday night and 1 for Saturday night.”
The son then asks his father, ”What’s the 6-pack for?”
The father replies, ”Well, that’s for when you’re in college. You have 2 for Friday night, 2 for Saturday night, and 2 for Sunday morning.”
Then the son asks his father what the 12-pack is for.
The father replies, ”Well, that’s for when you’re married. You have one for January, one for February, one for March, one for…..”

Girl And Professor

beautiful girl goes to Professor cabin
and
say
that i will do anything to pass in the exams
and professor says
NOW OPEN YOUR
.
.
.
.
.
.
Books And Study

Conflict Between Girls And Boys

Boys get mad easily, but usually do not show it.
Girls get sad easily and can cry like crazy! …
.
Boys care about the quantity of love!.
Girls care about the quality of love …
.
Boys can forget, but can not forgive.
Girls can forgive, but can not forget! …
.
Boys can never reject a girl’s add friend request
But girls often reject it just to feel powerful!!
.
Boys prefer the phrase “Boys vs Girls”
Girls INSIST on saying “Girls vs Boys” !!

During Hug

A Girl’s Head is Always Down
Because
She Considers Her Boy To Be
Her World and Gets Lost in it …

While

A Boy’s Head is Always Up
So That
No Other Guy Dares To Look
At His Girl …!

Gary and Martin

Gary and Martin were standing at the urinals in a public lavatory, when Gary glanced over and noticed that Martin’s penis was twisted like a corkscrew.
“Wow,” Gary said. “I’ve never seen one like that before.”
“Like what?” Martin said.
“All twisted like a pig’s tail,” Gary said.
“Well, what’s yours like?” Martin said.
“Straight, like normal,” Gary said.
“I thought mine was normal until I saw yours,” Martin said.
Gary finished what he was doing and started to give his old boy a shakedown prior to putting it back in his pants.
“What did you do that for?” Martin said.
“Shaking off the excess drops,” Gary said. “Like normal.”
“Fucks!,” Martin said. “And all these years I’ve been wringing it.”

SANTA SINGH WIFE

SANTA SINGH GETS HOME EARLY
FROM WORK AND HEARS STRANGE
NOISES COMING
FROM THE BEDROOM. HE RUSHES
UPSTAIRS TO FIND HIS WIFE NAKED
ON THE BED,
SWEATING AND PANTING.
“WHAT’S UP?” HE SAYS: “I’M HAVING
A HEART ATTACK,” CRIES THE
WOMAN.
HE RUSHES DOWNSTAIRS TO
GRAB THE PHONE, BUT JUST AS
HE’S DIALING, HIS
4-YEAR-OLD SON COMES UP AND
SAYS “DADDY! DADDY! UNCLE
BANTA IS HIDING IN
YOUR CLOSET AND HE’S GOT NO
CLOTHES ON!”
SANTA SLAMS THE PHONE DOWN
AND STORMS UPSTAIRS INTO THE
BEDROOM, PAST HIS SCREAMING
WIFE, AND RIPS OPEN THE
WARDROBE DOOR. SURE ENOUGH,
THERE IS HIS BROTHER, TOTALLY
NAKED, COWERING ON THE
CLOSET FLOOR.
“YOU IDIOT!” SAYS THE
HUSBAND: “MY WIFE’S HAVING A
HEART ATTACK AND YOU’RE
RUNNING AROUND NAKED
SCARING THE KIDS!”

Some Basic Rules

1.Apni Wife Ki Hr Roz Leni Chahiye



KHABAR



2.Uska Pakar Kr Bar Bar Chumna Chahiye

HAATH



3.Uska Bare Aaram Se Dabana Chahiye



PAIR



4. Uski Aage Se Hi Nahi Peeche Se Bhi Karni Chahiye

TAREEF



5.Uske Samne Aate Hi Nikaal Kar Uske Hath Mai dedo

Monthly Salary!

Daughter's purses

One day a brunette, a redhead and a blonde decide to go through their daughter's purses.
So, the brunette goes through her daughter's purse and finds cigarettes. She says, "Oh my god, I'm so ashamed! My Daughter smokes."
So, the redhead goes through her daughter's purse and finds an empty can of beer. She says, "Oh my god I'm so ashamed! My daughter drinks."
So, finally, it's the blondes turn and she finds a used condom. She says, "Oh my god I'm so ashamed! My daughter has a penis."

Larki Ka Patna

Ragging ke waqt larko ne 1 larki se kaha,1 sawal ka jawab do:

Patna kahan par hai?

Larki-India mein

Boys-yahin pat jao itni dur jaane ki kiya zarurat hai..!

Chuck Norris Internet

If Chuck Norris wants to go on the internet, he just stares at the monitor and keyboard. Then the computer and monitor will come on all by themselves and the keyboard automatically types what Chuck Norris is thinking.

Chuck Norris teeth

Chuck Norris never goes to the dentist because his teeth are unbreakable. His enemies never go to the dentist because they have no teeth.

Chuck Norris As Froto

Originally Chuck Norris was to play froto in Lord of the Rings but turned the job down cause only a panzy needs 3 movies to destroy jewlery. Also Chuck Norris was originally cast to play the lead role on the show 24. The producers had to fire him after he killed all of the terrorists in 10 seconds.

Chuck Norris test report

After taking a steroids test, doctors informed Chuck Norris that he had tested positive. He laughed upon receiving this information, and said "of course my urine tested positive, what do you think they make steroids from?"

Chuck Norris Belief

Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris, not the box jellyfish of northern Australia, is the most venomous creature on earth. Within 3 minutes of being bitten, a human being experiences the following symptoms: fever, blurred vision, beard rash, tightness of the jeans, and the feeling of being repeatedly kicked through a car windshield.

Chuck Norris Spot

A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.

CHUCK NORRIS'S number

My wife doesn't fuss at me anymore, because she was looking thru my phone and saw CHUCK NORRIS'S number in my contacts!

Santa Banta And Blonde Girl

Santa Singh and Banta singh are sitting in a bar sipping Black Label Johnny
walker when Banta singh noticed a gorgeous blonde sitting by herself in a corner.
As he was getting up to talk to her. Bar Tender said “Hey don’t worry about her,
She is lesbian! “. Banta singh “Lesbian or no lesbian, I get all of them” Then
leaping forward in a very sexy voice he said “Where exactly in Lesbia, you from?”

Chuck Norris Played Golf

When Chuck Norris played golf for money, chuck marked down a hole in 0 every time, a pro at the golf club, said to Chuck: "excuse me sir, but you cant score zero on a hole". Chuck Norris turned towards the man and said, im Chuck Norris, the man then proceeded to pour gas over his body and set himself on fire because that would be less painful than getting roundhouse kicked by Chuck Norris, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked him in the face anyways.

Chuck Norris Karate Kid

Chuck Norris once ate an entire ream of rice paper and shat out origami swans and Mister Miyagi from Karate Kid.

Chuck Norris Guinness Book of World Records

In fine print on the last page of the Guinness Book of World Records it notes that all world records are held by Chuck Norris, and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone else has ever gotten.

Chuck Norris' shoe

A blind man once stepped on Chuck Norris' shoe. Chuck replied, "Don't you know who I am? I'm Chuck Norris!" The mere mention of his name cured this man blindness. Sadly the first, last, and only thing this man ever saw, was a fatal roundhouse delivered by Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris On Mars

Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life there.

Chuck Norris time machine

Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck Norris met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.

Chuck Norris and Boogeyman

When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris sold

Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.

See Chuck Norris

If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.

Chuck Norris Hunt

Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting infers the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.

Chuck Norris' tears

Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

Caught Ligado Camera

Seja o fotógrafo dos famosos e flagre cenas inesperadas em uma badalada festa. As melhores fotos te darão mais pontos para avançar para outros divertidos níveis.

Agente Heart

Entre na pele de uma eficiente investigadora contratada para espionar possíveis infidelidades e fotografe muitas cenas comprometedoras.

Cheyenne Rodeo

Escolha entre cowboy e cowgirl e participe de um famoso rodeo de Cheyenne. O objetivo do jogo é manter-se em cima touro durante o maior tempo possível.

Bike Kiss

Ajude a garota a beijar seu namorado, memorizando o visual que ele está usando ao passear de moto. Não deixe que outros rapazes vejam os beijos.

Good Morning Kiss

Interaja com o cenário para criar acontecimentos divertidos e realizar o sonho do rapaz de beijar a linda garota do ponto de ônibus.

Kiss Chemestry

Faça casais apaixonados a se beijarem utilizando fórmulas de químicas para o beijo perfeito.

Angelina and Brad Kissing

O casal Angelina e Brad querem um pouco de romance no casamento, e para isso precisam de sua ajuda para darem muitos beijos sem que as crianças percebam.

Good Night Kiss

Um encontro romântico sempre acaba com uma despedida prolongada com muitos beijos. Ajude o casal a se beijarem sem que a vizinhança perceba.

Celebrity Smackdown 4

Aproveite a oportunidade de vingar-se daquelas celebridades que não saem das capas das famosas revistas. Dê muitos socos e vença esta humorada luta.

The Right Mix

Faça cocktails, colocando diferentes ingredientes no shaker, agite e quando estiver pronto, prove para ver se estar bom!

Elite Base Jump

Salte de pára-quedas junto com um monte de pára-quedistas, vence que chegar em primeiro, os últimos serão eliminados.

Queuing

Veja quantos metros consegue acompanhar a fila de pessoas que estão esperando para entrar no estádio de futebol.

Gastetribune

Veja quantos metros consegue descer em um escada de arquibancada com muitos obstáculos.

Kissing in Office

Jogo de beijo são divertidos e servem para passar o tempo. Divirta-se neste versão onde você precisa aproveitar a distração do chefe e demais funcionários do escritório para colocar os namorados para se beijarem. Seja ágil e faça o casal trocar muitos beijos para avançar ao próximo nível onde poderá se divertir em um novo desafio.

Club Kissing

Entre para o clube do beijo e divirta-se fazendo casais que não foram formados a se beijarem sem serem flagrados pelos pretendentes. Seja ágil e assim que perceber alguma atitude suspeita dos participantes faça o casal parar de flertar.

Kiss in the Taxi

O romance está rolando dentro do táxi e sua missão é ajudar o casal de namorados a trocarem muitos beijos sem serem flagrados pelo taxista. Seja ágil e na primeira atitude que o motorista demonstrar suspeita faça os namorados a se comportarem.

Super Geek Magnet

Achar o garoto perfeito nunca foi fácil, ainda mais se ele for um herói. Ajude nossa heroína a andar pelos corredores do colégio, evitando os heróis nerds que forem surgindo pelo caminho e chegue até o herói perfeito que ela tanta procura.

Esqueleto Dançarino

A dança é uma forma de expressão muito apreciada por povos do mundo todo. Já diziam algumas pessoas que quando a música toca o esqueleto balança. Neste jogo o esqueleto balança literalmente. Ao som de uma frenética musica tente acertar os movimentos deste esqueleto dançante. Preste muita atenção, observe as setas e tente acompanhar o esqueleto baladeiro. Fique atento ao tempo e boa sorte.

Spin the Bottle

Julia foi para o piquenique com os amigos e aproveitou a oportunidade para chamar o namorado Sam, mas acontece que o namoro ainda é segredo e esses apaixonados não poderão se beijar na frente dos colegas. Vamos ajudar esses pombinhos a aproveitarem a distração das pessoas ao redor do piquenique para trocarem beijos e aproveite os momentos vagos para fazer os namorados brincarem de girar a garrafa.

Donkey Gafoor

Este burrinho acabou de fazer uma boquinha, mas parece que a refeição não caiu muito bem. Revoltado com a vizinhança ele resolveu atirar esterco para todos lados. Os vizinhos são muito curiosos e mereciam uma lição. Mostre boa mira para atingir os curiosos de maneira certeira. Preparar, atirar, fogo...

Kissing With Chemistry

Os alunos de química estão mantendo um namoro em segredo e não querem que os demais alunos da turma descubra. Hoje é dia de laboratório e o clima de romance está mais forte do que nunca e o casal quer muito trocar alguns beijos. E agora?! Vamos ajudá-los a namorarem, aproveitando a distração das demais pessoas da sala para trocarem muitos beijos apaixonados sem serem vistos. Quantos mais beijos, mais pontos você acumula.

Pack For Holidays!

Este casal sempre foi meio atrapalhado para viajar. Mas nesta férias eles te contrataram para ajudar com os preparativos da tão sonhada e merecida viagem de férias. Fique atento com as malas e objetos que a senhora está jogando da sacada. Arrume tudo de acordo com o espeço que você tem. Tome muito cuidado com o moleque que sempre apronta alguma pra cima deste casal. Ele pode dar umas bicudas na bola enquanto você está arrumando a bagagem. Cuide para que nada fique fora do lugar. Não se esqueça do tempo. Será que você consegue?

Naughty Nurses

Os pacientes já estão bem debilitados pois estão em tratamento, para alegrar o dia a dia deste hospital arrumamos uma linda enfermeira para deixar os pacientes um pouco mais contentes. Crie situações para que a enfermeira fique com cada vez menos roupas. Mas fique atento para não matar nenhum paciente do coração. Vamos lá?

Naughty Boy

Fique de olho mas ao mesmo tempo fique atento com está linda garota. O garoto estava de bobeira no ponto do ônibus e não resistiu e acabou olhando os seios da garota. Se ela desconfiar que você está olhando diretamente para ela, você correrá o risco de levar umas boas bolsadas. E então, quer correr o risco? Vamos lá.

Blonde Speeding

A blonde lady was driving along the highway when a blonde police officer pulled her over for speeding.

Officer: May i see your licence?

Lady: what does it look like?

Officer: its a rectangular thing with a photo of you on it.

The lady looks through her bag and pulls out her compact mirror and hands it to the officer.

The officer opens it up and says 'if you had told me you were a police officer I wouldn't have pulled you over.'

Us nay kaha aur dabao

us ne kaha or dabao,
main dabaya,
us ne kaha or dabao,
main ne or dabaya,
us ne kaha baniyan nikal do phir dabao,
main ne phir dabaya,
us ne kaha pent bhi nikal do phir dabao,
main ne phir dabaya . . . Â
dekha ho gya na suit case band:)

3 Children

One day there was a pregnant women who was about to go into labor with 3 children.

Her husband didn't want to be any part of this so he decided to leave her and took the car.

So she had to walk to the hospital all by herself. All of a sudden she came to a dark alley and of course she went through it and all of a sudden a man pops out and shoots her in the stomach.

When she got to the hospital she was ok and the babies were fine as well.

16 years later

16 years later the first child who was a girl came to the mother and said "mom mom guess what?"

"What?"

I pissed out a bullet.

So the mother told her what happened 16 years ago.

Then the second born child who was also a girl came to her mother and said "mom mom guess what I pissed out a bullet."

So the mom told her what happend 16 years ago.

Then the 3rd born child came in who was a boy said "mom mom guess what?"

The mom said "let me guess you pissed out a bullet."

"No i was jacking off and i shot the dog!"

3 FEELINGS

3 FEELINGS
what is the diference b/w stress,tension & panic?
Stress is when wife is pregnant,
tension is when girlfriend is pregnant &
panic is when both r pregnant

Hath Mai Pakar

Pakar Pakar Hath Mein Pakar Daba Mat Oh Ho Qatry Gir Rahy Hain Jaldi Se Munh May Dal Le Aaha Ab Batao Maza Aya Na Rasgulla Khanay ka.

Callgirl Wife

2 men went 2 a callgirl.
1st went in and came out n said
"Na my wife is better."
2nd went in and came out n said
"U R right ur wife is much better."

Ten Tips For Men

what men would do if they had a vagina for a day

10. Immediately go shopping for zucchini and cucumbers.

9. Squat over a hand-held mirror for an hour and a half.

8. See if they could finally do the splits.

7. See if it's truly possible to launch a ping pong ball 20 feet.

6. Cross their legs without rearranging their crotch.

5. Get picked up in a bar in less than 10 minutes ... BEFORE closing time.

4. Have consecutive multiple orgasms and still be ready for more without sleeping first.

3. Go to the gynecologist for a pelvic exam and ask to have it recorded on video.

2. Sit on the edge of the bed and pray for breasts too.

1. Finally find that damned G-spot.

Ye Sookha Ander Jata Hai, aur,Gila Bahir Ata Hai,

Ye Sookha Ander Jata Hai,
aur,Gila Bahir Ata Hai,
Phele Chota Hota Hai,
Phir Ye Mota Hota Hai,
Jab Ye Ander Rehta Hai,
To Ye Red Kar Deta Hai,
Thori Dair Helane Ke Bad Jab Esai Bahir Nekalo,
To Apne Kam Dikha Kar Ye,
Bejan Sa Bahir Ata Hai,
Kuch Aur Nahin Hai Ye,
Es Ko LIPTON TEA BAG ,Kahty Hain.

He came at night,

He came at night,
explored my body,
got on top of me,
touched me, he bit,
sucked, swalowd,
when he was satisfyed,
he left, i was hurt,
.
.
.
BLOODY... MOSQUITO !!!!

Billi Ky Bachy

Teacher: Bacho batao k billi 1 sath itnay
saray bachay kaisay paida karti hay?
Kid: Miss agar aap road pay billi ki
tarah ghoomo to aap ko pata chal jayega…

Sardar Ki Darpoj Wife

Sardar : Yar meri biwi pani se bohat darti hai.
Friend : Acha wo kaise?
Sardar : Yar kal mein ghar gaya to wo bathtub
mai bhi security guard k sath bethi thi.!!

The Perfect Day

The Perfect Day - Her

8:45 Wake up to hugs and kisses
9:00 5 lbs lighter on the scale
9:30 Light Breakfast
11:00 Sunbathe
12:30 Lunch with best friend at outdoor cafe
1:45 Shopping
2:30 Run into boyfriend's/husband's ex and notice she's gained 30 lbs
3:00 Facial, massage, nap
7:30 Candlelight dinner for two and dancing
10:00 Make love
11:30 Pillow talk in his big strong arms

The Perfect Day - Him

6:45 Alarm.
7:00 Shower and massage.
7:30 Blowjob.
7:45 Massive dump while reading USA Today sports section.
8:15 Limo arrives, Stoli Bloody Marys.
8:30 Butler Aviation, O'Hare Field, Lear Jet to Augusta, Georgia.
9:30 Front nine holes, Augusta National Golf Club.
11:30 Lunch - 2 dozen oysters, 3 Heinekens.
12:30 Blowjob.
12:45 Back nine holes, Augusta National Golf Club.
2:30 Limo to Augusta Airport, Bombay Sapphire Martini.
3:30 Nassau, Bahamas, Afternoon fishing with all female crew (topless). Sex for each fish caught. Catch 1249 lb. Blue Marlin. Grilled tuna and steamed lobster appetizers, six Heinekens, nap.
6:15 Blowjob.
6:30 Lear Jet return flight, total body massage in transit.
7:30 Shit, shower, shave.
8:00 Watch CNN Live coverage of Bill Clinton's resignation. Hillary and Al Gore are indicted in the same scandal (which involves graphic pictures and large farm animals).
9:00 Dinner at Ritz Carlton, Oysters Casino, 20 oz. Filet mignons (rare), Gorgonzola salad, Fettucini Alfredo, Chateau Lafite Rothschild 1963 (magnum) creme brute, Louis XII Cognac, Cohiba Lancero
10:30 Sex with 3 women, all from different countries
11:30 Whirlpool, steam and massage. Women quietly get dressed, hail cab and leave. Midnight Blowjob. Sleep

Pappu Ka Zehan

1 girl ask 2 pappu : woh kia hai jo cow k paas 4 or mere paas 2 hain?
pappu : legs
Girl : woh kia hai jo tumhari pant main hai aur meri pant mein nahi hai?
pappu: paisay
Girl : woh kia hai jo log din main karne k bajaye ko raat bistar pe kartay hain
pappu: neend puri karte hain
girl : woh kia hai jo larki pehli daffa karwate huye pain
ki wajah se roti hai?
pappu : kaan main ched
MORAL : aap bhi apni zehniat pappu ki tarhan saaf rakhain

6 Inch Long

Boy:what is that u keep in ur mouth
which is 6" long
and move it in and out
and wait for a white substance to come out?
Girl: y do u ask such question to me.
i cant tell such words
Boy:dont worry its tooth brush

Sex Education To Daughter

A mother is in the kitchen making dinner for her family when her daughter walks in.

“Mother, where do babies come from?”

The mother thinks for a few seconds and says, “Well dear, Mommy and Daddy fall in love and get married. One night they go into their bedroom, they kiss and hug and have sex.”

The daughter looks puzzled so the mother continues, “That means the daddy puts his penis in the mommy’s vagina. That’s how you get a baby, honey.” The child seems to comprehend.

“Oh, I see, but the other night when I came into your room you had daddy’s penis in your mouth. What do you get when you do that?”

“Jewelry, my dear. Jewelry.”

I thought It was MONEY

A young girl after her honeymoon
came fully exhausted and tired,
When her friends asked her what happened?
She replied :
When this 70 year old bastard told me
he has saved a lot from last 50 years,
"I thought It was MONEY"

Personality By Bra Size

Women personality followed by her BRAZIER size
32:Innocent
34:Beautiful
36:Sexy
38:Agressive
40:Hungry
42: playful
44:daring
46:Wild
48:Tennis Wali Bhabhi?:-)

Head Cleaner

A blond decides to do something she’s never done before – rent a dirty movie. She drives to the local Video Warehouse and makes here way to the adult section in the back. After looking around at titles, she selects a something that sounds very stimulating.
She drives home, lights some candles, slips into something comfortable, and puts the tape in the VCR. To her disappointment there’s nothing but static on the screen. She calls the store to complain and says, “I just rented an adult movie from you and there’s nothing on the tape, but static.”
The clerk apologized about the defective video and asked, “Which title did you rent?” The blond replied, “It’s called ‘Head Cleaner.’”

Disgraced The Family

 There was a virgin that was going out on a date for the first time and
she told her grandmother about it.
Her grandmother says, "Sit here and let me tell you about those young
boys. "He is going to try to kiss you; you are going to like that, but
don't let him do that."
She continued, "He is going to try to feel your breast; you are going
to like that, but don't let him do that. He is going to try to put his
hand between your legs; you are going to like that, but don't let him
do that.
Then the grandmother said, "But, most importantly, he is going to try
to get on top of you and have his way with you. You are going to like
that, but don't let him do that. It will disgrace the family."
With that bit of advice in mind, the granddaughter went on her date
and could not wait to tell her grandmother about it.
The next day she told her grandmother that her date went just as the
old lady said.
She said, "Grandmother, I didn't let him disgrace the family. When he
tried, I turned him over, got on top of him and disgraced his family."

Andheray mai Soraakh

Larki: Jaan Chotey soraakh Mein Nahi, Barray Soraakh Mein Daalo.

Larka: Andhera Itna hai Soraakh Nazar Nahi Aa Raha.

Larki: Sorakh par Ungli Phero mehsoos Hojae ga?

Larka: Wah! Ungli sey tou Andhere Mein Bhi Sorakh Mill Gaya.

Larki: Jan ab Aahista Sey Andar Daal do.

Larka: Poora Andar Chala Gaya.

UUf ! Kitna Mushkil Hai Andherey Mein

“HEADPHONE KI PIN MOBILE MEIN LAGANA”

Toilet

Come here,
take off your pents and knickers,
get on top of me,
enjoy until u get satisfied,
loving yours.....
toilet!

Is this her first child

Sardar on phone:
Doctor my wife is pergnant.She is having pain right now.
Doctor: Is this her first child?
Sardar: No this is her husband speaking‚¦

Three Women

Three women who work in the same office notice that their female boss has
started leaving work early every day. One day they decide that after she leaves,
they’ll take off early, too. After all, she never calls or comes back, so how is
she to know?
The brunette is thrilled to get home early. She does a
Little gardening, watches a movie and then goes to bed
early.
The redhead is elevated to be able to get in a quick workout at her health
club before meeting a dinner dates.
The blonde is also very happy to be home early, but as she goes upstairs she
hears noises coming from her bedroom. She quietly opens the door a crack and is
mortified to see her husband in bed with HER BOSS! Ever so gently, she closes
the door and creeps out of her house.
The next day, the brunette and the redhead talk about
leaving early again, but when they ask the blonde if she wants to leave early
also, she exclaims, “NO WAY! Yesterday I almost got caught!”

Kelay Wala

Lady 2nd floor se banana wale ko dekh kr pochti hai ‘kela kesy dega?’
banana wala, mem sahab 8 me 12
Lady. 7(sath) me 13(tera) longi
deta hai to upar aaja..

A Father's Last Request

A husband and wife had four boys. The odd part of it was that the
older three had red hair, light skin, and were tall, while the
youngest son had black hair, dark eyes, and was short.
The father eventually took ill and was lying on his deathbed when he
turned to his wife and said, "Honey, before I die, be totally honest
with me - is our youngest son my child?"
The wife replied, "I swear on everything that's holy that he is your
son."
With that the husband passed away. The wife then muttered, "Thank God
he didn't ask about the other three."

Girls check up

Girl check up k liye gai
Dr ki niyat khrab hogi
Dr ne uske kaprey utarwaye,
Girl:kiss q le rahe ho ?
Dr:Checkup k liye,
Girl:Breast q daba rahe ho ?
Dr:Breast cancer check karne ke liye
Dr Starts fucking
Girl:kya kar rahe ho ?
Dr:Aids checkup
Girl:
check kya krna hai Aids ki to dawayi lene i thi

pehle tum dikhao

In a party a lady wanted
to go to toilet so
she inquired with a sardar
papaji susu karne ki jagah dikhao,
sardarji replied u naughty
pehle tum dikhao.

Why did?

What do you get when you cross a werewolf with a dozen eggs?
A very hairy omelet.

Why did the toad cross the road?
To show his girlfriend he had guts.

Why do skeletons not go to horror movies?
Because they have no guts.


Why did everyone run out of Hungry Jacks?
Because somebody dropped a Whopper.

same room and one is on top

Little Tony was 9 years old and was staying with his grandmother for a few days. He’d been playing outside with the other kids for a while when he came into the house and asked her, ’Grandma, what’s that called when two people sleep in the same room and one is on top of the other?’

She was a little taken aback, but she decided to tell him the truth. ‘It’s called sexual intercourse, darling.’

Little Tony said, ‘Oh, OK,’ and went back outside to play with the other kids.

A few minutes later he came back in and said angrily, ’Grandma,it isn’t called sexual intercourse. It’s called Bunk Beds. And Jimmy ‘s mum wants to talk to you.’

Headache

 Teacher: I’d like you to be very quiet today, girls. I’ve got a dreadful headache.

Jane: Please, Miss ! why don’t you do what mum does when she has a headache?

Teacher: What’s that?

Jane: She sends us out to play!

Kilometre

Teacher : Peter how do you define a kilometre ?
Peter: It’s easy sir even an infant could tell it.
Teacher : Then tell me.
Peter : Sir a kilometre is the distance in meters you can travel by carrying a load of a kilogram.

A young teenager

A young teenager comes home from school and asks her
mother, “Is it true what Rita just told me? That babies
come out of the same place where boys put their thingies?”
“Yes, dear,” replies her mother, pleased that the subject had
finally come up and she wouldn’t have to explain it.
“But then when I have a baby, won’t it knock my teeth out?”

A young teenager

A young teenager comes home from school and asks her
mother, “Is it true what Rita just told me? That babies
come out of the same place where boys put their thingies?”
“Yes, dear,” replies her mother, pleased that the subject had
finally come up and she wouldn’t have to explain it.
“But then when I have a baby, won’t it knock my teeth out?”

Mummy put you in charge

One evening a little girl and her parents were sitting around the table eating supper. The little girl said, "Daddy, you're the boss, aren't you?" Her Daddy smiled, pleased, and said yes. The little girl continued "That's because Mummy put you in charge, right?"

This is my father

The telephone rings in the principal’s office at a school.
Hello, this is Dunn Elementary, answers the principal.
Hi. Tony won’t be able to come to school all next week, replies the voice.
Well, what seems to be the problem with him?
We are all going on a family vacation, says the voice, I hope it is all right.
I guess that would be fine, says the principal. May I ask who is calling?
Sure. This is my father!

Gambler Kid

Little Johnny was starting his first day at a new school and his father called the teacher to tell her that little Johnny was a big gambler. She said that it was no problem and she has seen worse than that.
After Little Johnny’s first day at his new school his father called the teacher to see how it went. She said, “I think I broke his gambling”. The father asked how and she said, “He bet me $5.00 that I had a mole on my butt, so I pulled down my pants and won his money.”
“DAMN!” said the father.
“What’s wrong?”, the teacher asked.
Little Johnny’s father said, “This morning he bet me $100.00 he would see his teacher’s butt before the day was over!”

Knock Knock Kid

Knock knock
Who's there?
Canoe
Canoe who?
Canoe help me with my homework please Dad - I'm stuck!  

I would be a bus driver

A little kid walks into a city bus and sits right behind the driver and starts yelling, ”If my dad was a bull and my mom a cow I’d be a little bull.” The driver starts getting mad at the noisy kid, who continues with, ”If my dad was an elephant and my mom a girl elephant I would be a little elephant.”
The kid goes on with several animals until the bus driver gets angry and yells at the kid, ”What if your dad was gay and your mom was a prostitute?!”
The kid smiles and says, ”I would be a bus driver!”

Now she knows

A six year old comes crying to his Mother because his little
sister pulled his hair.
“Don’t be angry,” the Mother says, “Your little sister doesn’t
realize that pulling hair hurts.”
A short while later, there’s more crying, and the Mother goes to
investigate.
This time the sister is bawling and her brother says…
“Now she knows.”

Substitute Teacher

A substitute teacher walks into the classroom on the blackboard she sees a message. It says, Jimmii Poole, has got the biggest tool, in the whole damn class
She yells, Who the hell is Jimmy Poole?
This kid in the back stands up and says, I’m Jimmy Poole.
Well, Jimmii, your staying after school!
Next day when the teacher walks in, she looks up at the blackboard where written, Pays to Advertise